A FUTURE
now, from 11 until three. You
see cousins you only ever see on
Christmas Day. That tradition is one
of the hardest ones. I don’t know if
I’d be able to do that now.’
Over time the lively, inclusive
Christmas he was raised on became
dominated by his substance use and
the invitations became fewer. ‘One
year I got dragged out of my flat by
my stepdaughter,’ he recalls. ‘I drank
three bottles of cider before I went
for lunch. I ate about two potatoes
then stood in the kitchen drinking
spirits. The next year, before I went
to rehab, I was in a shared house
sat with a load of people I wouldn’t
even call friends and took drugs.’
Luke also saw his substance
use affect his relationships with
family. ‘I’d always make it to my
parents’ at Christmas, but I’d have
had a skin-full before I’d go,’ he said.
‘I caused a nightmare atmosphere
with everybody.’ Luke’s family never
considered drinking to be a big
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part of their Christmas – which is
now a welcome cornerstone in his
recovery – but at the time it made
being in their company a daunting
and isolating prospect. ‘I wouldn’t
drink in the house when I was there,
I’d just eat my dinner and slope off,’
he said. ‘Eating was a chore – the
last thing you want to think about.
I probably never got through a full
Christmas meal.’
Like his peers, Jake found his
substance use put him at odds
with the way his family celebrated.
‘I hadn’t had a sober one for a long
time,’ he said. ‘The year before
[coming to Phoenix Futures] I was
supposed to go for a big family
Christmas, but I drank way too much,
so I spent Christmas on my own.’
These experiences clearly left a
lasting mark, so it was a surprise to
hear them speak positively about
Christmas spent in residential
rehabilitation.
‘Going into Christmas I was
quite anxious, but at the same time
I felt safe as well,’ said Luke. ‘The
temptation wasn’t there.’
‘I was a bit nervous, but it was
an opportunity to enjoy Christmas
for what it was and I felt safe in the
house,’ said Jake. ‘People put any
problems to one side and everyone
realised it was a tough time,
especially for those with kids.’
Robert said he was buoyed by
the mood of the house. ‘We had
a good laugh,’ he said. ‘You forget
where you are for a little time.’ He
focused on the positives and said
it was nice seeing people getting
visits from their children. He had
a visit from his own daughter and
granddaughter.
What helped the community
through this difficult period was
having lots of things planned –
Laser Quest, theatre, cinema, panto,
bowling. New Year’s Eve was a party
night without the drink and drugs
and ‘chaotic but a good laugh’.
Robert and Luke still have
photos from the New Year’s Eve
they spent together in the Sheffield
Residential Service, fondly recalling
the community members and staff
dressing up, joining in the karaoke
and ‘making a good night of a
difficult time’.
This year they are all back home
for Christmas. ‘It’s going to be really
challenging,’ acknowledged Luke.
‘Nobody in my family really drinks,
but it’s just spending that first
Christmas back there again sober.
But for me the big thing about going
home is my parents and brothers
actually wanting to see me.’
Robert plans to repeat what
worked for him last year – chilling
out at his mum and dad’s. ‘Last year
I enjoyed seeing my brother’s young
kids, playing with them and their
toys,’ he said. ‘Before I’d have just
rolled in pissed five minutes before
dinner was on the table.’
Jake will celebrate his first
Christmas after graduating this year.
‘In the past I isolated myself,’ he said.
‘I’m looking forward to spending
time with family and seeing those I
haven’t seen for years. I’m going to a
New Year’s Eve party, but I’ll only go
for an hour. There’s no point putting
myself in any risky situations.’
A MOTHER
SEEKING REFUGE
Other residents are gearing up to
their first Christmas in treatment.
Mi and Ma are both mothers who
will be staying with us at our
National Specialist Family Service.
‘I am excited to celebrate my
first English Christmas,’ said Mi.
‘And I am looking forward to singing
Polish Christmas songs to my little
princess.’ Mi’s youngest daughter is
placed here with her, however her
older daughter is with her father
this Christmas. ‘It is emotional for
me being far from my family, and
hard that I can’t be with her this
year. But I already feel as though the
people here are like my family. I have
good people around me.’
She places much value on her
future with her daughters. ‘My
kids are my gift,’ she said. ‘The best
necklace I could get is my baby’s
fingers on my neck.’ If she wasn’t
at the family service, things would
look very different. ‘Without this
placement and my baby, I would
‘It is emotional for
me being far from
my family, and
hard that I can’t be
with my daughter...
But I already feel as
though the people
here are like my
family. I have good
people around me.’
drink,’ she said. ‘I would drink and I
would die.’
Ma will also be at the family
service over Christmas, along with
her partner and their newborn son.
‘Last year we spent Christmas Day
in a hostel smoking crack,’ she said.
‘I know that’s what I would be doing
this Christmas if I wasn’t here.’
She was looking forward to
the chance to start building new
memories during a time of year
she found distressing. ‘My dad died
in December 2016, so this time of
year is hard. But even before that,
in my family, we had the presents
but we didn’t have the love,’ she
said. ‘I want to make Christmas for
my little boy about the nice things I
remember.’
‘I can be open here,’ she added.
I’m happy. I still have the issues,
but now I have a different thought
process, I have structure.’
During these conversations I was
stunned by the honesty and moved
by the strength of character shown
by each person. With so many
challenging emotions about the
past and the future, each seems to
have made peace with their place in
the present.
Liam Ward is residential
marketing manager at Phoenix
Futures
DEC 2019-JAN 2020 • DRINK AND DRUGS NEWS • 23