D . I . COLUMNIST The Real Deal with Tommy D ' Aprile
Racing , racing , racing , racing .
Do I have your attention now ? Isn ’ t it funny how that word remains a trigger for so many ? Just driving down the interstate and seeing the RaceTrac gas station sign for the first time triggered my interest , and how disappointed I was to realize it was just a gas station .
Although I use a word such as racing to demonstrate what triggers our interest , there are many more things that can trigger us , and some not in a good way . Let me explain . Negative things that happened in someone ’ s past can have negative consequences in someone ’ s future .
Using the examples of many relationships today , it ’ s easy to see that some people are paying the price for unresolved areas of hurt . You had a terrible relationship in your past , but now you are with a person who is genuine , loving , caring and thoughtful . Things are going great until that person does something that triggers a negative memory from your past . The person had no idea , nor did they mean hurt to you , but with unresolved issues we are sure to be triggered without warning .
So what to do , you might ask ? Well , here is a great way to get started . Start writing down those trigger areas you have . When you get upset , write down what triggered it . The trigger point is the point of hurt . Once you realize what it is you can then deal with it . Remember that when something is exposed it can ’ t have control over you anymore . But what we tend to do is bury those triggers and hope to never see them again . All that does is build the buried pile so big that you can ’ t move it .
Others may do things that someone in your past may have done . Although the person in your past meant to harm you , the other does not . Expose these triggers for what they really are . They are a door that allows deception , strife and confusion into your life . The trigger , when identified , can be disarmed , though .
You see , we all need to stop hurting people who never hurt us at all . Realize that they are not the problem , you are ! It ’ s easy to sabotage your relationships because you are too scared to deal with unresolved issues .
Communication is key . Make sure to express to those you love what you are going through and ask them for help in recognizing your triggers as well . People who truly love you will stand beside you and help you heal . Don ’ t ever say to someone you love , “ That ’ s your problem and not mine .” The difference between good and great relationships is the couple ’ s ability to work together and make each other feel valued while communicating that they love them and will do what they can to help .
Remember , help and enabling are two different words . Help is productive , while enabling is counterproductive . All this said , it ’ s fair to say all of us at some point have had or have a trigger that puts you where you don ’ t want to be . The question is how long will you wallow in it ? Stop living in the past and past pains and start enjoying every day . Take those scars you have and be thankful for them . Those scars , if viewed correctly , can give you a reminder of the pain you are no longer in and how you have overcome the injury .
Remember this and I can guarantee your relationships will be amazing : “ Love is patient , love is kind , it does not envy or boast , it is not rude or self-seeking . Love is not easily angered , it keeps no record of wrongs but delights in the truth .” Love period without exception and disconnect the triggers of offense , and when you do you will live a life free from the chains of your wrong thought life . As always , the choice is yours to make .
Email Tommy at tommyd @ dragillustrated . com
February 2021
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