Rachel, as a young child,
you discovered that your
“mother” was, in reality, your
grandmother. Please share with
us that experience.
hen I was eight years old,
my older sister told me
that my mum is not actually our
mum that she’s our grand mum. I
thought that she was joking at the
time, but I later discovered that
she wasn’t joking. I discovered
that it was true that when I was
a baby my mum left me with my
grand mum to raise me while
she came here to join my dad to
help my dad. They both came to
England to make a better future
for the family. So, I was left with
my grand mum when I was six
months old, so I grew up thinking
she was my mum. So, it was an
amazing discovery.
W
After this discovery, you were
reunited with your family, and
then your dad died. Will you
please share that phase of your
life with us and how it affected
you?
met my dad for the first time
when I was ten years old after
discovering that my real parents
were here in the UK. I met them
two years after that. I came to
England to visit my parents and
siblings; some of my siblings were
here as well. They reassured me
that when I finished secondary
school it would be a good
opportunity for me to come to
the UK to reunite with the whole
family. So, I was looking forward
to that; I was looking forward to
coming to stay with my family so
we could all live happily ever after.
When I finished secondary school,
I came to England to join the
whole family, but unfortunately,
seven months after my dad
passed away. It was tough, the
memories, the thoughts that
everything was going to be okay,
and that was taken away from
me. After growing up without
a father figure I was looking
I
forward to that experience of
everybody being together, but
unfortunately, that happened, and
it was a very difficult moment
for me. I felt lonely, and I felt
rejected, and there were so many
unanswered questions, like how
come this is happening? Have
I done something wrong? And
then I was 17 years old, and I’m
thinking, why did this happen?
I was looking forward to this
experience. But that happened
and I couldn’t turn back the clock,
and that’s the situation I found
myself in. It was difficult, but I was
able to pull through by the grace
of God. But it was painful, and I
felt cheated.
Is there a link, do you think,
between the challenges
you faced as a child and the
challenges you had in your
marriage?
etween me and you, growing
up without a father figure
in my life was very difficult. I
wanted the love of a man that I
craved but never got from my
dad, and I was determined to have
a stable home for my children
as well, knowing that I grew up
without my dad and my mum
being there. As a parent, I have
two boys, and I know the bond
that is between my boys and me,
so I am thinking, you know what?
I want to have a stable home for
my boys and that regardless of
what happens I will always make
sure that they have that love and
support of their parents. Two
years after I became a Christian
I met my ex-husband, and it was
good; like wow, at last, I now have
someone that can show me that
love and affection that I need but
not knowing that sometimes our
expectations are so high of people.
We put expectations on people
to meet our needs whereas it is
only God that can actually meet
your deepest desire, your deepest
needs. So, I really held on to the
marriage, thinking definitely, I
B
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am going to get everything I need
from this marriage, I am going to
get this love and affection from
him, but it didn’t turn out the
way I planned. Shortly after we
got married, challenges started
happening, and I am thinking,
this is not what I planned for. But,
between me and you, I held on
to God because I believed that
there’s nothing that God cannot
do. I trusted God to restore
my marriage; I trusted God for
everything. My marriage was the
centre of my attention. My focus
was this marriage has to work,
to the extent that I lost myself
in the process because I felt that
without the marriage working,
I am nothing. I thought that
marriage is what actually defines
me as a person. So, when that
started happening, I am thinking,
wow. In the process, I struggled
emotionally; I was a broken
woman whose mental, physical,
and emotional health was at stake.
And then I was thinking, what’s
happened? I have lost myself in
the process. So I had to sit back
DOZ Magazine | November 2019