DIVORCE 411 APRIL 2015 | Page 8

A D I V O R C E 4 1 1 Lesson in Forgiveness By Karen Becker A s a Co-Parent Coach, I work to help divorced couples see the facts in the situation. I help them take the emotion out of communication so they can focus on what’s important – their children. phrases like “I never wanted a failed marriage” or “I can’t believe I got myself in this situation” or “If only I could go back and change my decisions.” First, a failed marriage does not end in divorce. A failed marriage is one where the people in it are miserable, but stay in it because they don’t want a divorce. How is that a successful marriage? Yes, there are many successful marriages out there and through divorce; you’ve given yourself an opportunity to be in one, if you choose. Second, know that you’re in this situation for a reason. Know that divorce is happening now for a reason and that reason will present itself when the time comes. In the meantime, learn all the lessons you can so you can move on. I help them learn to communicate in a new way because divorce is just like dating, you have to learn how to be in this new relationship together. If there was one lesson I wish every divorced person would learn, it’s that forgiveness is necessary to move on. Most people cringe when I bring up the word forgiveness, but before you turn the page on this article, give me a chance to tell you what I think forgiveness can do. Forgive yourself. I’m not talking about forgiving your ex right now, I’m talking about forgiving yourself. I can’t count how many clients have used When it comes to your ex, this is a harder pill to swallow, but once you’ve forgiven him or her, it will make your divorced 8 | Divorce 411 April 2015