HOW I FEEL
ASHLEY ETHERIDGE
Growing up, I was never the type to bring up race because I didn’ t“ see” it. I was always trying to not just be black. I wanted to be more than that and I didn’ t want people to only view me as that nor did I want to view people as just white, Asian, or Hispanic. It was childish of me to think this way and not want to be seen as black. But as I matured and learned more about my history I realized that being black wasn’ t just a label, it’ s who I am. It’ s nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to try and put on the back burner, it’ s just a part of me. Over the past four and a half years, there seems to have been( to me at least …) a jump in the number of murders of unarmed people by police officers, mainly African American men. It’ s not even an epidemic at this point; it’ s genocide.
When I got on Twitter the morning of July 5 th there was a hashtag that kept saying“# AltonSterling” and I already knew what happened, and I was sick to my stomach. An innocent black man was killed at the hands of a police officer once again and for what? That’ s really the million-dollar question. Why does this keep happening to my people? That big man with a bright, goofy smile and gold front teeth was gone. And then, on midnight, July 6 th, when I got to see the Facebook Live video of Philando Castle’ s girlfriend,
Diamond Reynolds, speaking so eloquently and calmly to us as her boyfriend’ s life slowly slipped away, my whole body felt heavy. He was murdered for doing exactly what he was asked to do. I don’ t ever think I’ ve felt grief for another person as much as I did for her. I truly felt sorrow, but at the same time strength to know that in a situation like that, she was able to communicate and not shed a tear with her boyfriend dying and her little girl in the back seat witnessing all of that. Nobody can tell me black women aren’ t strong.
Being black isn’ t easy. It’ s a heavy feeling to know that I can get killed for something I have no control over. The recent murders of black men in the U. S. by police officers has left me disgusted with not only the government and their lack of concern but also with people who attempt to justify these murders just because someone wears a badge. There are too many instances where I have seen( some) non-black people stay silent about the unjustified killings of civilians but are quick to comment on how black people riot and talk back to law enforcement in response to police brutality. The same white men rooting for LeBron James during the finals or the same white women who lust over black men are completely silent when they’ re being murdered at the hands of those who are trained to“ serve and protect”. It’ s okay to have respect for police officers and realize that there are a few who don’ t do their jobs well. It’ s okay to know that my life matters. Black lives matter.