Denton County Living Well Magazine May/June 2016 | Page 48
Middle Age Musings
Advice from Dr. Stanwix
Summer Bummer
do anything with her vacation time.
She just sits around the house. She
has no hobbies, no exercise routine,
etc. I try to tell her how lucky she is to
have the time off and that if she isn’t
going to do things around the house,
she could at least pick up some sort of
a hobby. She tells me that I’m not her
boss and I should just lay off.
Dear Dr. Stanwix,
Another summer is upon us and another season of problems for my wife
and myself. My wife is a teacher and
she has the summers off. In fact, she
has just finished up the semester and
is getting ready to enjoy her time off
until she has to start back to school in
the first week in September. I, on the
other hand, have to continue to work
my 9 to 5 job with only two weeks off
this summer.
I realize this is simply the nature of our
professions and I shouldn’t get upset.
However, my wife just sits around all
day and does nothing when she is
on vacation. She gets angry with me
when I ask her to do extra things. She
accuses me of trying to make her work
because I’m jealous that she has the
summer off. That simply isn’t true. I just
feel that if my wife has nothing to do,
then she can do the grocery shopping
and other chores without me. Unfortunately, she doesn’t see it that way. She
barely cleans the house and is content
to let things go all day until I get home.
Heck, she won’t even prepare an occasional dinner, so I can relax after a
hard day’s work.
I am also upset because she doesn’t
Is she right? Should I simply lay off and
let her do whatever she wants with her
time off? Do I have a right to at least ask
her to help out more around the house
since she isn’t working in the summer?
Please let me know. I don’t want to
spend another summer arguing with
my wife about this.
Sincerely,
Summer Bummer
Dear Summer Bummer,
It’s not easy when our spouses have
time off and we don’t. The whole family balance gets thrown off and resentment can rear itself. Your situation is
not unique. Many people who are married to teachers feel the same way. You
have basically two options:
A) Switch your career to teaching
and take the summer off with your
wife. Then you could show her how
to better take advantage of her
time.
B) If you need help around the house,
make your requests reasonable and
be sure you don’t try to micromanage your wife’s summer vacation.
Unless you are interested in switching professions, let’s focus on the second option.
There is no doubt that you are trying
to put additional work on your wife
because she has nothing to do. Your
wife is right that you have no right to
do this. Teachers work hard and deserve some time off to relax. However,
as with any relationship, each person
has his/her responsibilities.
I don’t have all of the facts here, but
she may be unwilling to help out
around the house because you are trying to dictate what she does with her
free time. Rather than acting the role of
taskmaster, why not simply explain this
instead of nagging her?
Regarding the fact that she doesn’t take
up a hobby, that is simply none of your
affair. That is her prerogative. If your
wife is merely being lazy and unreasonably refuses to help out around the
house, then perhaps you need to discuss
this matter with her seriously. While you
aren’t her boss, you are reasonable in
expecting her to help out with certain
chores if she has so much extra time on
her hands. Whether husband or wife, it
is important that we work to help, not
antagonize, one another.
Keep in mind that in any relationship
there is always some give and take. If
you have free time, you should want
to dedicate some of that time to helping your spouse, and vice versa. This
shouldn’t be because anyone places
expectations on the other. It should be
because you love and want to help that
person.
Best of Luck,
Dr. Michael Stanwix
Dr. Michael Stanwix has an honorary doctorate in marital counseling and is a full time life coach. He can
take on anyone’s questions. The question is, can you take what he has for an answer? Dr. Stanwix’ column
is provided courtesy of Fiftyisthenewfifty.com, devoted to those who are middle aged and people who accept
the fact that they will get there someday.
If you have a question for Dr. Stanwix, feel free to write him at [email protected].
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DENTON COUNTY Living Well Magazine | MAY/JUNE 2016