Political Prisoner
Advice from Dr . Stanwix
Political Prisoner
Dear Dr . Stanwix , My husband is becoming a staunch Republican before my very eyes . We used to share the same more or less center-left point of view . However , over the years , he has slowly become one of those crusty nay-saying conservatives that I loathe . At first it was a few subtle comments here and there . Now that he has retired , he is becoming more and more obsessed with politics and vocal about his disdain for liberals .
We never used to talk politics at the table . Now I can ’ t sit through one meal without him going on endlessly about the latest liberal outrage . This political difference is really driving a wedge between us . He will not stop talking politics with me . As I am somewhat of a liberal , he sees me as a political punching bag that he can beat up on or gloat to when a liberal does something wrong . I loathe these political conversations and I am beginning to loath him .
How can I make it clear to him that I don ’ t want to talk politics ? The 2016 presidential race is heating up . And this means that I will have to endure a full year and a half of his political ranting . Please , advise me on how to deal with this situation . I am losing my love and respect for my husband and I don ’ t want that to continue . Sincerely , Political Prisoner
Dear Political Prisoner , Politics is a messy business , so I won ’ t weigh in on whether it is better to be a conservative or liberal . Unfortunately , no matter how much we try to convince people with opposing views of the supremacy of our beliefs , we end up sounding like a demagogue who is intolerant of other ’ s points of view . This seems to be the direction your husband is headed in .
You basically have a few options here : Engage him in debate and challenge his political assertions . By researching the issues from a liberal and conservative viewpoint , you may be able to present him with the facts rather than the political rhetoric that passes for fact . Be sure that you are just as willing to admit when people on your side of the political divide are corrupt or make bad policy decisions . It is important to show your husband the importance of remaining objective . It is the only way to set the tone for more civilized and nuanced conversations . Who knows ? You may be able to win him over to your side if you educate him beyond the talking points . At the very least , you will be spending time with your husband .
If he is unable to engage in civilized debate and you are tired of arguing with him , then simply ignore him . The only way to get him to desist is to not give him an audience he can vent to . Make it clear that you are no longer going to sit through these rant sessions .
If neither of these approaches works , ask your husband why he feels the need to talk politics with you . It may simply be a phase he is going through . After retirement , many men no longer feel a sense of purpose . As a result , they turn to pastimes or interests to fill the void . Some of these become unhealthy obsessions . He needs to understand that this obsession is having a negative effect on your relationship . Tell him you want to focus on the things you share in common , not your political differences .
Politics has become such a divisive force in our lives these days . There is no reason it should ruin our relationships with people we love . It is impossible for couples to share the same point of view on everything . That ’ s what makes relationships healthy and interesting . We are all different and we need to respect those differences ( political or otherwise ). We also need to celebrate our similarities . That ’ s what makes each relationship special .
Best of luck , Dr . Michael Stanwix
Dr . Michael Stanwix has an honorary doctorate in marital counseling and is a full time life coach . He can take on anyone ’ s questions . The question is , can you take what he has for an answer ? Dr . Stanwix ’ column is provided courtesy of Fiftyisthenewfifty . com , devoted to those who are middle aged and people who accept the fact that they will get there someday .
If you have a question for Dr . Stanwix , feel free to write him at drstanwix @ fiftyisthenewfifty . com .
36 DENTON COUNTY Living Well Magazine | JULY / AUGUST 2016