Denton County Living Well Magazine January/February 2019 | Page 37
have shown disappointment or anger
expressed correctly. Expressing your
anger in the right way is important,
i.e., without yelling or criticizing.
*Mommy, am I pretty?
*Daddy, am I strong?
*Am I smart?
*Am I fat?
*Am I stupid?
*Why does ______not like me?
*My teacher likes _______ more than me.
*I’m not very smart like ______.
*Where did I come from?
*I heard ________talking about sex. What
does “sex” mean?
*Why was I born a girl?
*Why was I born a boy?
*Someone likes me. Can I have a boyfriend?
*I think _________is pretty and funny.
Can she be my girlfriend?
*Why do _______’s parents not live
together?
*Will you and daddy/mommy ever get a
divorce?
Set the stage early for a healthy foun-
dation of trust by being open to lis-
ten, validating their feelings, never
making them feel unimportant or un-
intelligent, encourage instead of crit-
icize. No matter what your opinion
may be as a parent, still be willing to
listen. They will trust your leadership
and love for them far more if they
feel safe to express their thoughts.
You can still say your thoughts and
be the parent without demeaning or
getting angry where they are afraid
to communicate with you. The pos-
itive foundation you set when they
are younger will carry you and them
through the “rocky” teenage years
with less tension and more respect
and understanding.
Let me end with this short example.
A friend of mine has a little girl who
is about 8 or 9 years old. Last year
her daughter told her that a girlfriend
liked a little boy. Not thinking much about it, teasingly
the mom commented, “Well you better not go and get
yourself a boyfriend” or something along those lines. The
mom was teasing her daughter and although she may
not want her to have a boyfriend at that young age,
my friend knows that little crushes do
happen and she is alright with that.
However, my friend did not realize her
daughter took the comment seriously!
This year a little boy started liking her
daughter and her daughter had a little
crush on him too. The mom suspected it
but her daughter wasn’t openly telling
her. One day her daughter’s girlfriend
told her mom that her daughter liked
this one boy but was afraid to tell her.
When my friend casually asked her
daughter if she liked this little boy, her
daughter at first denied it. Her mom
then revealed someone told her she
liked the little boy and it was okay to
tell her. Her daughter broke down cry-
ing and said, “I do like him, mommy,
but I was afraid you would be mad at
me if I told you.” This hit home for my
friend. She realized her casual, teasing
words last year stuck with her daughter
and caused her to not be open with
her mom. The mom was crushed and
learned a valuable lesson about choos-
ing words wisely, and making a safe
place for her child to talk.
There are so many things children need to be able to tell their
parents. Make a safe place for them to speak their minds
and ask you questions before they go and ask others who
may not give them the same safe advice or guidance.
Georgia Smith-Lyle, MA, LPC-S, is in private practice as a Licensed
Professional Counselor in the state of Texas providing counseling for
children, adolescents, adults, marriage and family. She has authored two
books and is a public speaker. Georgia may be reached at 469-855-0256
or via email [email protected]. counselingbygeorgia.com.
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