Denton County Living Well Magazine Fall 2015 | Page 42
Middle Age Musings
Advice from Dr. Stanwix
Dear Dr. Stanwix ,
I have been married for 20 years,
happily––so far––at least 15 of those
years. However, a dangerous trend is
emerging or, should I say, growing in
our marriage, my husband’s belly.
Over the last few years, he has
just let himself go completely. He
doesn’t watch what he eats and
doesn’t do any exercise besides
walking up the stairs, something
he does more laboriously of late. I
understand that he has a demanding job, but he never seems to have
any energy to devote to anything
else. I think that if he were to do
more exercise, he would have more
energy. However, he is too tired to
even listen to me.
I have suggested our taking up some
form of exercise together besides
lifting pints and going out to dinner,
but he just doesn’t seem interested.
I still love him dearly, but having
more of him to love is becoming a
turn-off. It also causes me to look at
and admire those of the opposite
sex who have managed to keep
their weight under control. I am not
necessarily interested in having an
affair. It’s just that as he grows in
size, my passion for him shrinks.
I have made subtle (and not so subtle)
comments about his ballooning body.
He either ignores them with a laugh
or takes offense. Regardless of how I
approach this growing problem, every
time I try to sit down and talk to him
seriously about this he changes the
subject.
Is this a natural part of life or should I
really be concerned about this weight
increase? Life (sexual or otherwise)
does not end in your 50s and I want
him to understand that.
Should I accept him for how he is or
should I give him an ultimatum? I can’t
bear this lipoidal limbo any longer.
Sincerely,
Blubbering in Buffalo
Dear Blubbering in Buffalo,
A spare tire is one thing, but that doesn’t
mean you have to deal with the whole
set. We can’t all maintain the physique
we had when we were in our 20s, but
that doesn’t mean we have license to let
ourselves go completely. And, just because we are happily married, doesn’t
mean that we should take our significant other for granted.
This is what appears to be happening
in your relationship. He doesn’t feel
he needs to look his best because he
thinks you will be there for him no matter what.
Another angle you may want to try
is telling him that you are concerned
about his health and your future together in later years. If he doesn’t start
taking care of himself now, there will
be consequences for both of you later
on. Spending one’s retirement caring
for one’s significant other because he
or she didn’t bother to is just not what
you want to do.
If this doesn’t work and he doesn’t
want to engage in healthy activities,
then you should find someone else to
do them with. If that tennis partner
turns out to be a good-looking man
in his 40s then that will be just too
bad for your husband. I’m not encouraging you to cheat on your husband to get him to change his behavior. However, it’s important for him to
realize that you will not be taken for
granted. That might be just the fire
you need to put under his celluliteinfested behind.
Let me know how things turn out.
Best of luck,
Dr. Michael Stanwix
Dr. Michael Stanwix has an honorary doctorate in marital counseling and is a full time life coach. He can
take on anyone’s questions. The question is, can you take what he has for an answer? Dr. Stanwix’ column
is provided courtesy of Fiftyisthenewfifty.com, devoted to those who are middle aged and people who accept
the fact that they will get there someday.
If you have a question for Dr. Stanwix, feel free to write him at [email protected].
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DENTON COUNTY Living Well Magazine | FALL 2015