) Lauren bowed her head slightly, and her hair fell forward, covering her face.) “So, your ?rst choice isn’t an option,” Monica said. “Have you thought about what else you might want?” ) “I guess if David won’t stop hitting me, I’d like to live somewhere else. I’d like to leave David, live on my own with my kids and have us all be safe.” The words came out in a rush. ) Monica nodded, not wanting to interrupt. ) “I’d like to stay up and watch that late night TV show with Craig Ferguson. David goes to bed early, so I do too. I’d like to eat cereal and pancakes for dinner. I did that once, and the kids loved it, but David got mad. I’d like to get a kitten; David hates cats.” Lauren’s possibilities danced through the room, streaming like sunlight through the leaded glass windows; they cut through the haze with a vision of freedom. ) Anna and Beth smiled at each new idea. Monica was entranced. ) Then Lauren’s mood changed abruptly. “But I know it’s not as easy as just saying it.” ) “No, it’s not easy,” Monica said. Beth and Anna sighed, the possibilities obscured, the sun went behind a cloud, and the fu30
ture was once again murky in the smoke?lled air of the porch. ) “It is hard,” Lauren said. “People think that’s stupid, don’t they? They think it’s stupid that it’s hard to leave someone who hurts you.” ) Shit, be careful with this one. “Yes, there are people who don’t understand that it’s not easy to leave someone, even if he hurts you. They haven’t had your experiences. They don’t know what your life is like, and they shouldn’t judge, but sometimes they do,” Monica said. “They really do.” Anna stubbed out her cigarette and leaned forward. “I have a friend who keeps asking me, ‘When are you going to leave? How can you put up with it?’” “Me, too,” Beth said. “And that doesn’t help. It just makes me feel bad.” Monica nodded. “I know. We hear it all the time when friends and family call, when we’re speaking in the community, that’s always one of the ?rst things people ask. ‘Why doesn’t she leave?’” “What do you tell them?” Lauren said “We talk about all the things that keep people trapped in abusive relationships – the lack of money, of options, the guilt, the fear, the good times, and the love.”