DeltaWomen Magazine August 2013 Issue | Page 30

onto her folded hands. “He told his mother that I’m frigid.” ) “That fucker.” Anna’s words were quiet, but diamond-hard. ) “He told her that he had to treat me rough to make me have sex with him.” More tears dropped. ) “She believed that shit?” Beth said. “What’s wrong with her?” ) “I don’t know. I think David’s father is pretty violent. I think she’s afraid of him and afraid of David. I think she says what they tell her to say.” Lauren wiped her eyes. She looked around the room, stopping at each woman separately, as if gathering courage to speak. No one said a word; they all waited. ) Lauren hugged herself before speaking, her voice almost a whisper. “I really don’t like having sex with him. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am frigid.” ) Five seconds of silence. Monica was planning her response carefully when Anna spoke. “Why would you like to have sex with someone who’s m ean to you? That’s not frigid; that’s just smart.” ) Her words hung suspended for a split second before the whole porch erupted. The laughter hit the ceiling, bounced o? the walls, and completely cleared the air. 29 ) “Maybe it’s not my fault,” Lauren said, wonder in her voice. ) “It’s really not your fault,” Monica said. Now she was going to lecture, just a little. “When abusers blame their victims for the violence, they keep everyone focused on the victim’s behavior. They take all responsibility from themselves.” ) Lauren picked up a piece of red licorice and held it like a cigarette. “I’m just not sure what I should do. I mean, I know what I should do, I guess, but I don’t know if I can do what I should do.” She made a face. “I guess that makes everything clear.” ) “I think I know what you mean, but let’s start over,” Monica said. “Don’t worry about what you should do. If we take should out of the equation, what do you want to do?” ) Lauren pulled her legs back into the chair, wrapped her arms around them, and rested her chin on her knees. “I can’t even answer that. I’m not sure what I want to do. Well, maybe that’s not true. What I really want is to go home and be happy and have David be nice to me and not hurt me anymore.” No one looked at Lauren. Monica needed to say it. “You know that’s not going to happen, don’t you?”