DeltaWomen Magazine August 2013 Issue | Page 29

) “Will you?” Anna’s voice quivered. “Will you go home soon?” ) There was silence. Monica heard the click of a lighter, then the soft intake of smoke, before Lauren answered. ) “I don’t know.” ) Monica saw the slow nods from the other women. They knew, they understood, it was okay. ) “So, what did his mother say?” asked Beth. Short, short hair laid ?at against her small head, and deep bags under her eyes were evident even through concealer and small rectangular glasses. ) “She thinks I should go home.” Lauren’s laugh was tiny. ) “There’s a shock,” Beth said, snorting. Even Anna, huddled under a blanket on an old piano bench in the corner, smiled. ) Then Lauren’s laugh disappeared, and her eyes clouded with tears. “She said it was all my fault. She said if I wasn’t so loud and if I didn’t talk so much, he’d be nicer. I’m always pushing him; he can’t help getting mad.” ) “It’s not your fault.” Beth and Anna said the words at the same time, a split second before Monica, causing Monica to high?ve internally. Most days, that was the shelter mantra; they said it, sang it, tapped it 28 out in Morse Code. Still, no one really believed it – not deep in their souls where it mattered. Down deep, the violence was always their fault. But Monica was encouraged to see they believed it at least enough to repeat it to someone else. ) “I know, I know.” Lauren’s bare foot slowly covered, then uncovered an ancient jagged gouge in the oak ?oor. She pushed her big toe down into it as if trying to disappear out of her life through the hole in the ?oor. “But still, I was thinking. I could be a better wife if I tried harder. I know I talk a lot. I know I can be irritating.” ) Monica couldn’t keep quiet. “All people who know each other well, who live together, irritate each other. That’s no excuse for violence.” Shit, shit, shit. Keep your mouth shut – you’re lecturing. ) But Lauren didn’t seem to mind. “You’re right, I know that. But when I’m talking to David or his mother, I don’t feel right. When she tells me that I’m breaking up my family, and I need to be the one who holds everyone together, I just feel spoiled and sel?sh.” ) “It’s not sel?sh to want to be treated nice.” Beth looked at Monica as if waiting for approval. Monica nodded at her. ) Lauren shook her head. She looked down at her lap, and tears dripped past her hair