| by Baron Claude Borlz
Last Writes you will always find on the last page of ABR,
because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
But the Weather’s Great
I normally use this column to disperse pearls of politically incorrect wisdom, but for this month’s issue please indulge me
in a bit of introspection. I want to reflect on the state of the nation, because I’m not sure whether anyone has done much
reflection later, as we all chase our tails in this madcap nation known as modern day South Africa.
I
’m also not sure when my readers are
actually going to read this, or if they are
going to read it at all, although for those
of you who have access to the internet, aBr
is available online at www.abrbuzz.co.za.
But for those of you who rely on that grand
institution known as the South African Post
Office, you may never read this because
this institution has effectively imploded,
and it may never resurface. An interesting
establishment, this thing also known as
SAPO, because it appears that the workers
run the place, instead of management, and
the workers decided a few months to go
AWOL. Another grand shining monument
to grime and graft, thanks to the ANC
government.
It was in this state of mind that I left my
house at 05h30 on Sunday 2 November,
to do my weekly torture session at my
local gym. On the way, I had to dodge a
few potholes (and the rains have not yet
started!), I traversed the filthy Jukskei
River, and I had to treat 50% of the robots
as four way stops because they were
not operating (and the rains have not yet
started!). But I was relieved to get to the
gym unscathed, because even at this early
time there are a few minibus taxis on the
road, and they treat both working and nonworking robots as express freeways.
Things looked good when the
gym opened on time
at 06h00, because
some days they
open a bit late
as the gym staff
fiddle around filling
in forms, which
I’m sure they could
fill in after letting the
impatient gym goers in.
But alas, this was a false dawn, because
my favourite exercise bike (third from the
left; yes, I’m anal) was broken.
Then, three of the machines on the exercise
circuit were broken (however, two of them
did have signs indicating this – happy
days), and the ice water machine did not
dispense cold water. Oh well, off to the
showers, and no hot water. After a bracing
cold shower, time to weigh myself, but the
scale was broken. Eish, not very good,
Virgin Active. Maybe you should rename
yourselves Virgin Inactive?
The day had not started very well, but
at the local McDonalds my coffee and
the Sunday Times awaited me. On the
way, I heard on the Radio 702 news that
Eskom had implemented Phase One of
unscheduled load shedding because of
maintenance issues, and management
issues, and worker issues, and slapgat
behaviour issues, and corruption issues,
and so many issues your head would spin
like a working turbine if you knew all the
details.
The McDonalds coffee was good and the
lady at the counter was pleasant, but the
Sunday Times had its dose of disturbing
news.
| words in action
More on the Nkandla thief, more on
the SABC management academic
qualification scandals, more on the
national carrier disaster known as SAA,
more on the corruption in the police
farce (ahem, force), more on the e-toll
debacle, more on the Dewani trial (South
Africa, apart from the great weather, is
also great place to commit murder, and a
great place to kill your girlfriend in a fit of
rage, just ask Oscar), more on the Senzo
Meyiwa murder (a national philanderer
who now walks on water because he was
shot dead while philandering), more on
ridiculous land claims, more on that idiot
NCOP chair who thinks it is great to own
a farm, but not so great to actually feed
her animals, more on Ponzi schemes,
more on the immature spat between the
ANC and the EFF, more on the “cultural”
rape of infants, more on abuse at old
age homes, and more and more on this
dysfunctional place called South Africa.
I only came out of my funk by declaring
to all and sundry that while South Africa
has its problems, the weather is great.
Then it started to rain. So I went home
and shot my wife, and phoned the police
to tell them that that it was all a dreadful
mistake, and that I did it because of my
short legs. And I will put my faith
in South Africa’s legal
system and a judge
suffering from
dolus delirious.
But the
weather’s
great.
88
december 2014 / January 2015