One morning while lying on the floor , feeling scared about the future after a troubling medical diagnosis , I thought about the blessings of this curse . I thought about Mary Oliver ’ s poem “ The Uses of Sorrow ”: “ Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness . It took me years to understand that this , too , was a gift .” In my box full of darkness were the fossilized remains of a failed marriage , but I also had my son . My physical body was failing me , but it was also asking me to take note and remember to appreciate my health . My mental condition was frightening me , but it also presented an opportunity for me to step into courage . My life had been dictated for so long by other people and forces — my parents , my husband , my religion , societal norms — and now I was free to make my own decision . This was my reckoning to choose , and I was consciously going to lean into it . I knew that change is one of the only certain things in our lives , and so I had that choice to make . I wanted to get better , and I knew that required me to give more . I wanted to try and accept this box of darkness and see it as a positive thing , a gift , as much as possible .
I sat up slowly . My dog was not ready to get up ; he just rolled his head to the other side and continued to sleep . I walked into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee , and as the coffee machine was heating up the water , I saw my first decision point out of the corner of my eye . On the kitchen table , with a pencil as a placeholder between the pages , was my bright red journal , staring at me , perhaps even taunting me . Do the work , it whispered . I sat down , placed my warm mug to the left of me , and opened up the journal to a fresh page . I made a list of all the things I could explore to try and get healthy . I didn ’ t want to try another medication . My
“ Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness . It took me years to understand that this , too , was a gift .”
– MARY OLIVER
body was telling me something , leading me in a different direction — this I knew for sure .
My numbered list was just a free flow of all the things I knew were good for me , things like acupuncture , yoga , an anti-inflammatory diet , the beach , fresh air , meditation , girl time , me time , and long walks , to name a few . I also added other coping mechanisms , like saying no , asserting myself , and managing my time . Then , as I had before with my enormous todo list , I chunked the information into what seemed like five natural categories :
• Work / professional
• Physical / fitness
• Emotional / mind
• Spiritual
• Relationships / community
Each category listed strategies or activities I enjoy that also would contribute to my wellbeing , items that were completely authentic to me . Some of these categories started to intersect , and I later learned that this is perfectly normal .
HEALTH & WELLNESS
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