... your current life is just one version out of many , many potential versions . Anytime you want , there are opportunities to start over . While it may be difficult and scary at first , you can give yourself a new place , new friends , a new career , a new climate , whatever you want .
Anyone who has dealt with high school drama knows how consuming it can be . I thought about Rosa on every train ride and long walk to school , and thinking about what she might say next gave me stomachaches , especially on Sunday nights .
Rosa was the center of my worries . Rosa ruled my teenage world . And then … we moved . As soon as I started at my new school , Rosa was a distant memory . Within half a day in a new uniform , in a new classroom , in a new town , life was all about my new friends and new crushes and what was cool in this school . I ’ ve never forgotten the golden lesson of perspective that swift change gave me .
Your immediate community ( school , college , industry , place of work , mom group , town , church , book club , IG following ) is only one of many communities that exist . But we forget that . We ’ re so consumed being in whatever communities we already know , that if something goes wrong , we think , “ That ’ s it ! I ’ m done for !” The world seemingly collapses . When every community — no matter how big — is only ever one of millions .
I once knew a woman ( an acquaintance of my mother ’ s ) who tried to commit suicide when her husband left her for another woman . Not only had the wife lost her marriage , but her friend circle dropped her as they remained friends with her husband and started becoming friendly with “ that bitch replacement .” The wife ’ s community abandoned her . That ’ s a difficult and awful thing to cope with , and I can only imagine how alone and betrayed she felt . Your community can feel like your entire world , and when it ’ s pulled from you , you can feel disoriented and desperate . It ’ s like the death of an old life , and that takes time to grieve . And for her , that was nearly it .
Contrast this story with that of a woman I coached a few years back . She was of a similar age when her husband left her . But instead of giving in to despair , she took her small divorce settlement and moved to California , something her ex-husband would never do . She then remarried within two years . Her Instagram feed is awash in happy photos of herself and her husband running through Palisades Park in Santa Monica . I always get a kick out of seeing her thrive .