Notes from L’avenir
It
is a common practice for adults to ask
children to ‘share’. At L’avenir, in keeping with
our endeavour to self-reflect and encourage
action with a clear intent, uncluttered by
norms, the team of teachers questioned the
value of sharing and not sharing...
When do we share? How can sharing help?
• When there is a limitation of resources
• When we work as a team, or to inculcate
team work
• To develop social skills
• To inculcate patience / waiting for one’s turn
• As a give and take
• Because it is fun
• To develop friendship
• To express care for other(s)
• To develop openness in oneself
• To express love
• To express sympathy
• For the joy of self-giving
• To learn acceptance
• To widen
• To inculcate unselfishness
When is it important or okay not to share?
How can it help?
• When the sense of self is just developing
• When the child totally deserves to have the
thing to himself/herself
• When the child is totally engrossed in that
particular thing
• When sharing is a lesser quality and
something else becomes more important (a
higher value)
• If the need in the other (who is wanting the
same thing) is not real and it is not going
to do good to him/her if his/her demand is
acceded to
• If the other person is not willing to
or capable of or simply does not take
responsibility of the shared object
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Though the reflection and discussion was in the
context of young children (2 & 3 year olds), the
team reflected on their own willingness to share
or resistance to it. In the Parenting workshop
that followed, different situations were
presented to the parents (for role play), dealing
with the issues of Sharing, Freedom and Space,
Listening to each other. In the discussion that
followed the group presentations, the following
points came up as shifts needed in the attitudes
of the adults (educators, parents, care-givers,
etc.) towards the children...
• Instead of labelling the child as good/bad,
comment on the behaviour
• Empathise: ‘I understand that you are
feeling like this’
• Reinforce the ‘responsible’ behaviour
• Avoid jumping to conclusions... rather, ask
the child why he/she did something
• It is okay to want what another has, but
learn to wait
• Instead of just giving instructions, explain
why - so that thought-building occurs
• Reflect: what example are we setting of
‘sharing’ - would we share?
• Divert the child
• Explain the logic - ‘you will have more
things to play with if you share’
• Ask the child if he/she wants to share, or
wants to share something else instead, or
finish with it and then share... It will come
gradually
• Children imitate/mirror/enact our
behaviour
• Respect the children’s space
• In a conflict situation we ask our child only
to compromise, because we do not want
our parenting to be judged
• Time-out (stand in a corner) does
not modify behaviour, it is more of a
punishment
• Why are we always trying to condition the
child?
More than the lists given above, it is the
process that the teachers and &V