smoking spice in 2014, so I didn’ t know what day it was for years.
I kept overdosing and was sent a letter by healthcare warning me that if I continued to smoke spice they would reduce my meds. I wrote‘ fuck you, I’ ll do what I want’ on it and sent it back. Staff kept finding me on the floor in my cell so they stopped my pregabalin immediately and put me on a rapid reduction of methadone and dropped my dose of diazepam. Because the withdrawal symptoms were bad, I smoked more spice to get me through and continued to smoke it daily.
The staff gave up on me and I had carte blanche to do what I wanted, and I did. I was doing a prison sentence with no end date so I had nothing to lose. Then in 2023 I had a video link with the clinical lead at Hull PIPE( Psychologically Informed Planned Environment) and for the first time in my life she gave me a chance. No one has ever bothered about me, but she did. I’ m still detoxing and had a lapse after six months. I’ m on my last warning – any more lapses and I lose my place. They are trying to get me relapse prevention work to do in my cell.
The reason why I had my last lapse was because they are now supporting release – and to be honest I’ m very nervous about getting released – this is all I know. I think differently now, I worry about things that I wouldn’ t normally worry about if I was still using – simple things in life like cooking for myself, paying bills, shopping. I’ ve never even had a bank account. I’ m not used to people believing in me, and when I was told that they were supporting release, my anxiety went through the roof – and of course they’ re stopping the medication that I was prescribed for anxiety! It feels like I have been set up to fail. I was given a massive amount of medication for over 17 years and only told about a detox when I went to get my medication –‘ your detox starts today’. To be honest I can’ t believe I’ ve come this far and only had two lapses. I’ m taking it one day at a time and every day is another day clean. Name and prison supplied
TEAM SUPPORT
As an addict currently residing in HMP Wandsworth, I eagerly await the monthly Inside Time newspaper and in particular DDN. As a former alcoholic now approaching 300 days of sobriety, prison has not been without temptation but I have the team at Change Grow Live to thank for the support. Weekly check-ins from my case worker are timely and she truly cares about her job, the impact she can have on others’ lives, and my wellbeing. Well done Mya! Previously drinking was my comfort, the solution to a problem as well as my anxiety and depression. I will not sit here and say after 300 days I am‘ cured’, but I am on the right path.
There are also a number of group sessions run by the enthusiastic and understanding Rachel, and I am proud to have completed so many, as well as numerous in-cell packs that afforded me opportunity to explore the roots of my addiction problems. Here at Wandsworth there are limited chances to address such matters and CGL are stretched thin to accommodate so many, but huge credit to the dedicated team who work hard to help us. Name supplied
DDN welcomes all your comments. Please email the editor, claire @ cjwellings. com, join any of the conversations on Facebook or LinkedIn, or send letters to DDN, CJ Wellings Ltd, Romney House, School Road, Ashford, Kent TN27 0LT. Longer comments and letters may be edited for space or clarity.
/ ddnmagazine @ ddnmagazine www. drinkanddrugsnews. com
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