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alcohol. More of the same. And it is one that the drinking parent is hardly likely
to deny the green light to.
What Nacoa does so effectively is fully explain the nature of the deficit which
can be created and passed on by alcoholic parents. These explanations are a
source of significant reassurance to me. In recovery, awareness is all. As with any
unhelpful thinking style, once the child-of-alcoholic deficits are made clear, a
new perspective can quickly follow. It allows me to see that my alcoholism is not
(all) my own doing, fault or problem.
Equally revelatory to me is the fact that the Nacoa checklist of how children
of alcoholics might think, feel and behave is also the matrix for the symptoms of
the untreated alcoholic. These many forms of frustration are what I found myself
grappling with as I tried to turn abstinence into the equanimity of true sobriety.
Nacoa has helped me triangulate my recovery and see it from a further point
of view. Previously I had approached my alcoholism in two main ways. One is the
standpoint of cognitive therapy and addressing it as the result of maladaptive
responses to life events. Another has been the 12-step approach and accepting
that I have my very own set of character defects like self-pity and selfish motives.
However, it can be unsatisfying to see the issue as soluble only by either
handing it over to a higher power on the one hand or by being entirely rational
on the other. Human natu re can completely mis-fuel both these theories. I will
still use a composite of both these approaches on a daily basis. Nacoa brings
back in my own personal and family experience. Without that we can never fully
understand ourselves.
And my dad? He’s been a central part of my recovery – emotionally and
financially. He was the one who waited patiently outside as the AA meeting went
on, or dropped me off at my latest counsellor in early recovery. My parents bore
the brunt of my disappearance into addiction – mine was the only empty chair at
their 50th wedding anniversary. Each new part of the explanation for our
alcoholism we now share. What we also share is the hope that we can help
prevent alcoholism seeping into the next generation. And for that, my children
also have Nacoa.
The Nacoa helpline is 0800 358 3456, [email protected], nacoa.org.uk
Mark Reid is participation and recovery worker at Path 2 Recovery (P2R), East
London NHS Foundation Trust
www.drinkanddrugsnews.com
‘You are not alone’
the Nacoa checklist
One in five children in the UK live with a parent who
drinks hazardously, says Nacoa, with millions of adults
still affected by their parents’ drinking. These are issues
that callers often talk about on their helpline:
– feeling different from other people
– having difficulty with relationships
– fearing rejection and abandonment,
yet rejecting others
– being loyal even when loyalty is undeserved
– finding it difficult to have fun
– judging themselves without mercy
– fearing failure, but sabotaging success
– over-reacting to changes over which they
have no control
– lying when it would be just as easy to
tell the truth
– guessing at what ‘normal’ is
October 2017 | drinkanddrugsnews | 17