WOMEN
READING THE ROOM
Talking about the menopause can be tricky – for both service users and staff. But a few simple things can go a long way, says Iniobong Udo
A woman in one of my recovery groups was experiencing menopause, which made it difficult for her to maintain her concentration. To support her, I positioned her seat adjacent to the window and directed a fan towards her, even though the room was not particularly warm. It resonated with her. Every time she spoke, she apologised:‘ Sorry, it’ s the menopause. It’ s stressing me out.’
I informed her that she had no reason to apologise. My intention was to create awareness – not make this woman feel alone – and at the same time make the conversation comfortable to members of the group, including the men.
No one appeared to be surprised or uncomfortable, of if they were, they didn’ t express it. I could detect a sense of relaxation in the room, shared by both men and women. Subsequently, she expressed her gratitude for my understanding and for uplifting her spirits. All it needed was a seat, a fan and a few sentences. None of it necessitated a health qualification, nor did it incur any expenses.
In my experience, many women in recovery have already been subjected to judgement, both by themselves and by others. Hot flushes, heavy periods, pain or poor sleep, which are not under their control, can be perceived as an additional source of shame.
Additionally, these symptoms are imperceptible. The dread that accompanies PMS, brain fog or cramps is invisible. So no one enquires and, in the interim, some indicators may be misinterpreted. Low motivation – or a warning sign for relapse – may be misrepresented as poor focus, low mood or irritability when the underlying cause is much simpler.
The silence is reciprocal. The staff may be concerned that it’ s not their responsibility, or they may have concerns about saying something inappropriate. It’ s not uncommon for male employees to believe that they’ re unable to discuss certain topics. Therefore, an issue that impacts half of the attendees remains unaddressed.
Services should include a single enquiry in routine checkins or reviews and ensure that it’ s addressed to everyone, not just women:‘ Is there anything about your physical state that is complicating this?’ Asking everyone maintains a standard tone and gives people an opportunity to express their thoughts without having to raise the issue first.
It’ s much more difficult for an individual to admit that they had missed an appointment, or they had been in pain for months, if they’ re unable to say‘ it’ s my menopause’ without apologising. They may also find it easier to speak up about other topics in a group setting if there are brief moments of comfort.
I didn’ t perform any extraordinary actions in
THERE ARE SOME SIMPLE ACTIONS THAT YOU CAN TAKE
Easily implemented minor modifications. A brief respite, an open window( if needed), a fan and a cooler seat. Perform the task discreetly.
Tell her unequivocally that she’ s not required to apologise.
Address the entire audience to prevent her from being singled out, and use general terms.
Refer to it as‘ normal’ and‘ human’. Sharing your personal experience can be beneficial, if you’ re at ease with it.
Enquire as to what would be beneficial.‘ What would make you feel at ease in this environment?’, and implement her recommendations.
THERE ARE ALSO SOME BEHAVIOURS THAT COULD PREVENT ACCESS Ignoring it.
Poking fun at the situation to alleviate the tension, which could be perceived as ridicule.
Interpreting it as a lack of effort. Before concluding that someone isn’ t making an effort, it’ s important to evaluate whether there are any obstacles that may be impeding their progress.
that room. I simply listened attentively, made a few adjustments, and publicly declared she’ d committed no infractions. The same can be done by any frontline worker. Iniobong Udo is a public health practitioner at Airedale Voluntary Alcohol and Drug Agency
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