to people about women experiencing domestic violence , I ’ m often asked the same questions time and again – why don ’ t they just leave ? And , why do they go back ? These questions often contain an element of frustration , as though there is a simplicity to the solution . In reality though , there are a variety of reasons why women stay in – and go back to – a violent relationship .

Some of these are more commonly understood and widely documented – the woman can ’ t afford to leave , it ’ s too dangerous for her to leave , she has children who love their father and attend school in the area . Add to this cultural pressures or the fact that she has her network there or is so isolated she doesn ’ t know who to turn to . What is less understood is the relationship between childhood trauma and a subsequent vulnerability to being in a domestic violent relationship , something that we can take a closer look at here .

We are hearing more and more about the importance of mental health and mental health support , and it is understood that if you ’ ve experienced childhood neglect or abuse then it can have a negative impact on your mental health as an adult . This can manifest in many different ways , and has been widely studied for years . John Bowlby , the British psychiatrist and

psychotherapist and originator of attachment theory , believed that there is a biological drive when we are born to maintain proximity to our care givers in order to receive protection from the wider world . He believed that the relationship between the primary carer and child created a template for future relationships , an internalised self-view or working model and a view of how someone expects the environment to treat them based on whether or not they had had a secure base . He categorised attachment styles into :

• Secure – autonomous

• Avoidant – dismissing

• Anxious – preoccupied

• Disorganised – unresolved

For those of us lucky enough to have had a stable childhood , creating what Bowlby would have called a secure base from which to explore the world , we will have established a secure attachment style . This means we have internalised a positive self-view , have healthy levels of self-esteem and self-worth , and are able to self-regulate our emotions as well as having had role models that demonstrate healthy relationship patterns . However , if the parenting is not successful – through neglect or abuse of the parenting role – then the child will develop an unhealthy attachment style which will affect both their personality formation and future adult relationships .

In practical terms , this means

For those of us lucky enough to have had a stable childhood , we will have established a secure attachment style ... a positive self-view , healthy levels of selfesteem and selfworth , and are able to self-regulate our emotions .

that dysfunctional coping strategies are in place when individuals are faced with challenging experiences . These maladapted internalised coping strategies will have been learned in childhood to maintain ‘ attachment ’ to a neglectful or abusive care giver , and are then carried through into adulthood . This means that for both men and women , we see an increase in the link between childhood trauma and domestic violence .

However , there is a gendered difference , with men presenting as predominantly the perpetrator as opposed to women who

predominantly present as the victim .

According to the 2018 report Jumping through hoops : How are coordinated responses to multiple disadvantage meeting the needs of women , women who were survivors of childhood abuse were four times more likely to experience sexual assault after the age of 16 than male survivors ( 43 per cent compared with 11 per cent ), while more than half ( 57 per cent ) of women who were survivors of child abuse experienced domestic abuse as an adult , compared with 41 per cent of men .

So someone would stay in a relationship that is harmful because she ’ s internalised a dysfunctional working model – she will try to maintain that relationship because the biological attachment system drives her to , as a form of protection . The system has been given faulty information , which will keep the woman in the relationship – or repeating it – until she can find a way to change the faulty system . This is where working in a traumainformed way supports change . By helping the woman to recognise the repetitive patterns and low self-worth through talk therapy , trauma-informed practice and empowerment , we can support women experiencing domestic violence to make positive changes to this system so that they might free themselves from cycles of abuse . Janie Pamment is women ’ s support navigator and counselling coordinator at Turning Tides

Anastasia Vishnickaya / Dreamstime . com

8 • DRINK AND DRUGS NEWS • MARCH 2021

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