STRIKING A CHORD
Claire Burt , Forward Connect member at the Forward Trust , talks about the impact of seeing People , Places and Things
I was very fortunate to be given a ticket to watch the stage show in London – all I knew was that it was a play about someone who goes to rehab . I could relate to that , so I was eager to go . I left the theatre and cried .
I could really relate to the main character . Like Emma I have not endured any horrific episodes while growing up . No sexual abuse , no violent abuse . I grew up in an exceptionally loving family – Mum and Dad who are still happily married , one brother , married with two children . I had a good education to A level standard and had a fulltime job for 27 years . I own my own home with my husband and we have been married for 30 years . I ’ ve always felt exceptionally guilty for not having an awful reason for becoming an alcoholic . I have attended AA and Forward Connect meetings and listened to horrific accounts of people ’ s experiences which have resulted in their alcohol addiction .
Following 27 years of working for the Department for Work and Pensions , I left . I had been absent from work on long term sickness with stress . My drinking levels had increased exponentially , before and after work . I knew I could not return to that job . Basically , I cared too much – my main objective was to decrease the benefit register . This was done by finding clients employment , imposing sanctions for non-compliance , or hounding them so much they simply left the register .
I also felt my husband ’ s health was also my responsibility . He is a type 1 diabetic and had lost the ability to know when his blood sugar levels were on the decline . So I had to constantly address low blood sugar levels which could , if left untreated , result in coma or death . Everyone else ’ s needs came before mine . I needed to eliminate everyone ’ s problems from my mind and drinking alcohol was the answer . If my mind was numb I couldn ’ t care so , I drank and drank . I was no longer in control . In time , I realised that if I continued drinking this quantity of alcohol , I would die . So I stopped , and like Emma , I suffered the trauma of detox . I didn ’ t know this was so dangerous . The result was that I had an alcohol withdrawal fit and broke my shoulder . I ended up in hospital , where my alcohol withdrawal was managed appropriately .
This is where my recovery journey started . I accepted that I ’ d reached my rock bottom . I ’ ve learnt that alcoholism is not a problem you can solve – it ’ s there all the time . As the play said , alcoholism has to be treated one day at a time . Death only has to win once .
The objective of my recovery is to live a full life in spite of being an alcoholic in recovery . Without alcohol , I had no idea who I was . I felt like I was meeting me for the first time and , somehow , getting to know me .
Acceptance has now become the foundation of my being . I know I cannot drink alcohol . The rewards for my abstinence have been overwhelming . I volunteer at the Oxfam bookshop , I joined Folkestone Film Club with my dad . How many recovering alcoholic 53-year-olds get to go to the cinema with their dad every week ? I participate in five recovery meetings each week . My recovery has been welcomed immensely by my family who say I have exceeded their wildest dreams . This has replaced the constant anguish of waiting for the call informing them that I had died .
However , my husband ’ s family has reacted just like Emma ’ s parents did , expecting a return to
‘ Like Emma I have not endured any horrific episodes while growing up ... I ’ ve always felt exceptionally guilty for not having an awful reason for becoming an alcoholic .’
old behaviours . They don ’ t want any contact with me and I have accepted this . I think the ending of the play was very appropriate and honest . Even though I wanted to know that Emma ’ s life was going to be ok , as recovering alcoholics we know that we have to live life on life ’ s terms , minus alcohol , one day at a time .
Thanks to Forward Trust and my unwavering desire for recovery , I now lead a very simple , but overwhelmingly wanted life that I ’ m very grateful for .
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