yourself. Share who you are.
Be genuine. Don’t be nice just so people
think you’re nice. People quickly see
through that façade. Don’t fake it, but
practice genuinely caring about others
and expressing it. One way of doing this
can be giving compliments. Compliments
are great icebreakers. I love giving
compliments and it’s really quite easy. Just
look for something that is unique about the
person you’re learning to know and say it.
“I noticed your beautiful alto when
you sang behind me in the church this
morning.”
“I love your daughter’s French braid! How
do you do it so neatly?”
“That color of purple suits you so well. I
can’t wear lavender, so I always notice
when other people look good in it.”
Sincere compliments work anywhere-in a
long line up at the grocery store, for a new
girl at the volleyball game, for your elderly
friend at church.
Be careful. I am not a private person.
Most things in my life I don’t mind sharing
with the average person. By a series of hard
knocks, some of them recent, I’m learning
that not everyone is that way.
There is a fine line between genuine interest
in someone’s life and being nosy. For
those of us who grew up in conservative
Mennonite circles, it’s natural to ask and
answer questions with strangers of similar
backgrounds because there’s an underlying
trust that’s grounded in our
similar faith. Your Baptist
friend may not feel quite the
same about the questions you
have for her, much less the lady
who just left a women’s shelter
and is trying to find a new life
in her own apartment. Move
slowly in your relationships,
feeling for the pace the other
person is setting by their
responses.
Find common ground. This
can be hard, but it’s always
helpful. I’ve been delighted to find out that
someone I had a hard time relating to likes
Philip Yancey’s writing as much as I do.
Having children of similar ages always puts
you on a level with people that you thought
you’d never connect with. Do you both like
to cook? Do you have mutual friends?
about them. I have to catch myself when
someone shares an experience and I have
a “one-up” on them. Who really cares that
I had a funnier experience than the one
they’ve just shared? Who really cares that
my cold lasted longer than the one they’re
battling at present?
Don’t make judgments based on first
impressions. I did this so badly as an
insecure 16 year old attending Bible school
in Minnesota for the first time. She’s so
pretty, I’m sure she’d never want to be seen
with me. He can play volleyball like a pro, so
he’s probably conceited. She always hangs
out with the Indiana girls, so I’m sure there’s
no room for someone from Alberta in her
life. My parent’s training mostly won out
and I tried to be nice to everyone, but I did
have a big dose of snob-of-all-snobs-ism,
looking down on people who (I thought)
looked down on people.
Write it if you can’t say it. I express love best
through words, but I sometimes get uptight
or befuddled and can’t communicate the
things I wish to say in person. If you have
a person in your life that’s hard to relate to,
try writing them a note to say what’s on
your heart. I’ve also been delighted to find
that a few people who are extremely quiet
in person are very good at communicating
their feelings and opinions through
writing. Send someone a text or a facebook
message if you feel like your last attempt
at conversation flopped. Better yet, write
them a note or letter by hand.
It’s so funny. I’ve met some of those
people that I pegged as ‘elite’ back in the
day. We have babies and graying hair
and ordinations and teenagers to draw us
together. The girl who was just so “in” and
unfriendly told me that she thought I was
smart and put together, so she was afraid
of me. We both laughed with disbelief at
our mistaken impressions. What a shame
to lose a chance on a good frie