regardless of the feelings whirling around
inside his woman.
Let me just take a moment to make a
disclaimer. I am not married. I will be
very soon (May 30th can’t come soon
enough!) but I’m not right now. I don’t
know what it is to wake up beside a “hairy
behemoth with dragon breath and post
baked beans gas.” I don’t have experience
with “mounds of dirty dishes, crying
babies and a husband who just wants to
read the paper in peace.” So really, I don’t
have any grounds to speak on, but what
I do have is what God has given me over
the last two years as I have learned to seek
His face on this issue of how to become
a good wife. His answers have come to
me through the advice of older ladies,
through His word, through His gentle
speaking in my heart and through the
gracious and gentle words and actions of
the man He has blessed me with.
So back to the question at hand, how do
we live out that command in 1 Peter 3:2
that requires that we “respect, defer to,
revere him- to honor, esteem, appreciate,
prize, and in the human sense, to adore
him, that is to admire, to praise, to be
devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your
husband.” It’s a tall order for anyone to
fill!
SOME PRACTICAL TIPS
I’ve heard my mama say a thousand times,
“the battle is in your mind.” The truth of
this statement has never been clearer to
me than in the context of my relationship.
As I’ve prayed and cried to God the last
two years He has opened my heart to a
very fundamental truth that has been life
changing for me: my feelings are a choice
and that choice is mine. So I’d like to tell
you about some choices that God has
shown me that I have to make in order to
live adoring my man.
I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BE HONEST.
A relationship can never grow without
honesty, we know this, and yet there is
that deep temptation to hide. There are
days when the feelings of frustration well
up in me and rather than talking them
out with the man I love I just get out my
little shovel and bury them. But that does
not fix anything. Usually, if I drift down
that path long enough, it ends with me
being angry and somewhat bitter that
I have all these hurt feelings and he has
not picked up on it. The truth is that I’ve
hidden it from him and in the process
hidden from myself that the real problem
is mine, not his. Often an open, honest
discussion about a misunderstanding
is enough to clear it up and move us
forward toward a deeper and more
loving place in our relationship. But I
must choose to honestly face my own
crankiness, irrationality and fault before
that can happen. Sometimes, moving
forward requires that I choose to face the
failings in his life and honestly address
them with him. Regardless of who I need
to be honest with, choosing the path of
honesty is always a step toward having
a relationship that allows me to freely
adore my man.
I HAVE TO CHOOSE WHO I FOCUS
ON. This is a tough one for me. As a busy
nursing student it is so easy for me to
begin to see my life as more important
than his. I tend to think that it is because
of my schooling that I feel this way but
the more I evaluate this tendency the
more clearly I see that it really is just plain
selfishness. Most of the time when I find
frustration creeping into my mind and
heart I will find that selfishness and pride
are leading it. It is then that I must fall on
my face before my Creator and seek His
Holy Spirit to cleanse my heart and bring
me back to the role He has given me.
I HAVE TO CHOOSE WHOM I WILL
WORSHIP. I never knew how difficult
it would be to maintain my worship of
Christ as Lord when there was a man
in my life. My man is so wonderful. He
is gentle and loving, godly and strong.
He makes me laugh, he wipes my tears,
and he tenderly watches over my heart
and provides for my financial needs to
the best of his ability. There are so many
things that he does for me, but one thing
he can’t do is satisfy the longings of my
heart. No matter how incredible a man
is, he can never fill the empty God hole
in the heart of his woman. When I forget
that, and place him first in my life, I put
undo and unhealthy pressure on our
relationship. On the other hand,
when I do keep my eyes and heart
focused on Christ it provides for
my man the freedom to be my
best friend without the strain
of trying to be more for me
than he possibly can.
When I remember these things, honesty,
keeping my eyes turned outward, and
turning to God to fill the empty places
in my heart, adoration comes so much
more easily! Basing a relationship on
these things provides a foundation that is
not easily shaken. It gives me the clarity
to see my sweetheart for what he really
is; a human being created in the image
of God whose needs mirror his Maker’s
and whom God has given to me to stand
beside, support, and adore with all that I
am. |
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR
I am Dayna Miller,
soon to be Kilmer.
I live in Sparta
Wisconsin in a
darling little house
that my fiancé,
Jared Kilmer, and I
just bought. My time is taken up with being
a nursing student and trying hard to keep
learning to allow God to work through my life
to touch those around me. I love to spend any
free time I have fishing with my sweetheart,
hanging out with those dearest to me, and
spoiling my little dog Keisha and my cat
Barnabas Simon Pepper. Right now I am
enjoying (and majorly stressing over)
my first round of clinicals, trying to
plan our wedding, and getting our
house more livable. The last two
years of dating have been both
incredible and difficult at the
same time. God has opened my
heart in ways I never thought
possible and I live every day
grateful for His work in me!
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