instead of proving to the world how
right I was by validating all my efforts
with success, He began to reveal the
ugly pride that was behind my motives,
humbling me at every turn. It was an
unexpected, humiliating blow, and it
hurt like fire because it seemed to justify
all the internal accusing voices God was
supposed to be saving me from.
At the very time I’d thought to finally
achieve some level of adequacy, I’d been
stripped instead of my hope and put down
on the level of the weak people I’d always
despised. This was most certainly not the
plan, and inside I burned with anger and
betrayal that I’d been made to believe in
a hope, a future that apparently didn’t exist
for me. I felt there was no hope of ever being
ALL MOSES COULD
DO WAS ARGUE,
“I AM NOTHING.
CAN’T YOU SEE HOW
INADEQUATE I AM?”
great; I’d missed my chance. And while I tried to
accept what God was showing me and move
forward in life, all I could see ahead of me was a
life full of the pain of disappointment. Even if there
was hope for new dreams to be born, I didn’t want
a new dream--my heart still screamed in agony
for the old dream. And so, every day, I died a little
bit more inside until I wondered if I’d ever have the
capacity to feel alive and passionate again.
It’s kind of neat when what God’s doing in your life
mirrors something you see in Scripture. I’m not sure
I would have discovered this parallel on my own,
but when I saw the story of Moses played out vividly
on a stage, something deep inside me connected
to it. I found myself sitting there in the audience with
tears streaming down my face because, suddenly,
everything made sense.
Moses was a man who grew up believing he had a
high call on his life. Perhaps he knew this from things his
mother had taught him when he was young, or from
seeing the way God had miraculously orchestrated
his circumstances to set him up as Israel’s deliverer. In
any case, all the tools were there: Position, power, and
opportunity. It was obvious he was the man for the job,
and no doubt he was waiting for the day when God would
use him to accomplish that great work of leading God’s
people FREE!
When Moses stepped out to try to act on that tender belief
though, he failed—miserably—and in one swift motion made
himself despised in the eyes of the Israelites, the Egyptians,
and most certainly himself. Moses had blown it. And, call me
crazy, but I think I can identify with the pain in Moses heart as
he fled to the wilderness to hide from his humiliation and let
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