I NEVER WANTED
TO BE ONE OF THE
CONTROLLING,
ACCUSING WOMEN THAT
I SAW. THEY COULD CUT
THEIR HUSBANDS DOWN
TO SIZE WITH JUST A
FEW SHARPLY POINTED
WORDS...
my face as I said, “Yes dear!” But oh, inside I would
feel this churning turmoil, and my mind would race
with ways to convince him to my way of thinking.
As our girls began to grow, their need for discipline
became a huge problem and a point of conflict. Steve
rightly saw that they needed to learn obedience and
required occasional discipline, but all I could see was
that I had to protect my girlies! I even remember that
he once told me with his corny grin to, “Take a number
and step in line!” for my own dose of discipline.
Luckily for me, Steve actually was an amazing father.
After my instinctive panic died down, I really did trust
him. He had proved himself over and over, and I knew
he would lay down his life for us if necessary. When
the girls were small they couldn’t wait until he came
home in the evenings. They even called for him when
they needed a parent at night. It was wonderful! But
even after all that, I would still have that ugly feeling
boiling in the pit of my stomach whenever there was
conflict. No matter how many times I did what was
right on the outside, I could not get away from that
“thing.”
When the girls were still very small, God did an
amazing work in my life. I had been rebelliously
involved in some very dark things as a teenager, and
that darkness had continued to haunt me until the
day I fell to my knees in repentance. It is a long story,
but suffice it to say, I was a brand new woman after
experiencing God’s deliverance! It was at this point
that the Holy Spirit became an active part of my life.
God patiently gave us about four weeks to get back
on our feet, and then He began bringing to our door
people with some of the same bondages I had been
delivered from. Since it was dark, occultic practices
that had put me in bondage, it was people in similar
situations whom God brought our way.
10
One by one, as best we could, learning as we went,
we endeavored to help people get free from their
baggage and connected to JESUS! Slowly but surely,
we began to see a pattern evolve. We were seeing
individuals, couples, and whole families with all the
symptoms of having been involved in some kind of
occultic practice or witchcraft, but we couldn’t find
the witchcraft. We spent time crying out to God for
answers and reminding Him that we had not sought
out the people who showed up at our door.
One week Steve and I were privileged to attend a
seminar that focused on finding healing in our own
lives. I will never forget the day when I was sitting there
in a large crowd of people, listening to someone
share a personal testimony. Suddenly God, by His Holy
Spirit, began to reveal truth that would set me free! I
remember writing and taking notes as fast as I could
so I wouldn’t forget anything. It was so real to me
that it was several years before I realized that it was
not the lady sharing her testimony who was sharing
all this truth with me! My husband gently corrected
me after hearing me share this story for the first time. I
was shocked to discover that the lady was speaking
about something else entirely!
I remember when the download stopped and I was
left staring at what I had written: three or four pages of
my own willf [