widely and am influenced by the books and articles that I read.
But the most powerful of my connectors are the friendships I have
formed, the real admiration and love I have conceived for people
who make no profession of Christianity and may even oppose it.
Real, flesh-and-blood people will always be more effective than
disembodied words.
else can. His hands formed me,
and He is my Friend. I am never
lonely, because He is with me.
Maybe, if I didn’t have Jesus, I
could choose easier beliefs, but
it’s more likely that I wouldn’t
know what to believe. Believing
all things, I would end by
believing nothing.
2. Whatever fuels it, the real source of my doubt comes from
within. The doubts are vague and all-encompassing. When I
examine them, they have no basis in anything solid or reasonable–
and yet, they have the power to sway me to my depth. I wonder
why this is, and have concluded that the doubts are not fed from
an outside source, but from some faithless corner of my heart.
The reasons for my doubt have changed many times–but it does
not really matter what the reasons are. Any reason, however
groundless, would have the capability to cause me to stop and
reconsider my faith. This doubt is a part of my fallen nature. It is
my rebellion, my blindness, my self-thinking pride, my inability
to comprehend God.
Maybe, if He wasn’t stuck in my
head, I could write books that
were popular and acceptable.
But I think I would not. I think
I would still be a scared little
girl lying in a bed and unable
to handle my world. Jesus is my
passion and my courage. He
makes my life worth living. He
gives me something to write
about.
3. I am gullible. I tend to believe what people tell me. When
people tell me conflicting things, I have a problem. Enough said.
4. Hell is still my biggest problem. I no longer fear it, but I grapple
with the idea of it. This Biblical concept of a lost humanity headed
toward a doomed eternity is the one part of my faith I do not like.
Maybe, if I didn’t have Jesus,
I would be free from this
burdening responsibility towards
humanity. But I would also have
to live without this deep love for people that I know comes from
Him. I would have to live without the words He speaks to me in
the early mornings, live without the joy that fulfills my longings,
live without His love that is close as a wedding band around my
heart.
5. I have felt myself ashamed of my faith. I have been told I am
narrow-minded, non-intellectual, old fashioned. These things
sting.
I wish that the Bible teachings would be less harsh, less singleminded, more pleasing to other people. I wish that there weren’t
found in its pages such an inflexibility of right and wrong. I wish
that I could read the Bible, and reading it, still happily believe that
everyone, regardless of belief sy