didn ’ t want a basketball team , but one just wasn ’ t enough . Because as you know , 1 kid is 1 kid , 2 is 7 , and 3 is 468 children . So , no . We decided on two because number one is gonna need somebody to fight with to get her ready for the streets .
I decided we needed another dog for Annie to play with . I had also devised a plan to gift it to my wife who was mad at me 78 % of the time anyway . I ’ m smart . I had formed the thought that we should get a new dog , and seven minutes later , a post on Facebook offered lab mutt puppies for sale . I thought the Lord wants us to have a puppy . The poster said she would have the puppies in the church parking lot the next day for pickup . It was a sign . I love it when a good plan comes together .
The next day , I left work early to check these puppies out . Upon arrival , I noticed a girl with a box beside her car . She didn ’ t look particularly methy , but I wouldn ’ t rule it out . She said she needed a $ 30 rehoming fee . I asked which one was the most docile , and she said , “ Oh that ’ s easy .” She grabbed the runt in the corner and placed her in my hands , and I was shot . I gave her the money and we were on our way . I had been told this dog was two-thirds lab and one-third Catahoula . Up until that time , I thought the Catahoula was a river in Tennessee . Hell , it may be . I did know one fact about dogs that still holds true in my mind today . A lab mutt mix is the best-behaved dog in the whole wide world . And this dog ’ s momma was obviously a party girl , so we were sittin ’ pretty .
I gifted the sweet puppy to my wife in front of my kids in case things got physical . I could tell by the look on her face that she would rather have received a gift certificate for a colonoscopy . I said , “ I ’ ll house-train it .” Her response made me believe she wasn ’ t falling for that lie . I gave the kids the honor of naming her , and somehow , they came up with the name Lucy . OK , that ’ s a whole other story for later .
Lucy is the sweetest dog . She looks like a small black lab , and she will smile for you all day long . Once a man with a ridiculous beard came into the back yard unannounced . I caught Lucy mid-air by her collar just before she was able to dismember this gentleman . So she is either very protective or she doesn ’ t like beards . We still don ’ t know which . She is always guarding the bathroom door , protecting me when I ’ m not in a position to defend myself . And she always loves on the babies . When company comes over , I tell people , “ Don ’ t worry about Otis [ my Great Dane ], but make friends with that black one or you might lose a finger .”
Lucy doesn ’ t sleep in the bed with me even though she ’ s been invited many times . She hangs out in the bathroom a lot and dares Otis to come in there . She will approach you for some obligatory scratches and stay for as long as you will provide them . If my math is correct , Lucy is about 13 years old , and she moves a little slower and barks a little less each day . When her time is up , I ’ m sure it will rock me . Lucy girl is a good dog . So that puts her ahead of about 98 % of the people I know . I hope that one day you too are lucky enough to get a dog that is “ nothin ’ special .”
MEET MARK WOODSON
Born in Selma , AL in 1973 , Mark is the owner of a local restaurant living alone with a Lab / Catahoula mix named Lucy , a Great Dane named Otis , and 3 cats … Sam , Charlie , and Eddie B . He claims to hunt and fish as his hobby , but he mostly scrolls through reels on his phone and binge drinks in his free time . His favorite pastime is developing disorders his physicians have to Google . He has 2 daughters , Bonnie and Molly , who enjoy volleyball and spending their inheritance early .
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