Darkside Issue 40 | Page 63

Darkside 63

What you read in fantasy novels about the slave being tied up naked all day long doesn t happen every day you stop wooing each other . The dates and special treats are just as important as they were then , if not more so now because you see each other a lot more . Create a romantic atmosphere , see a movie , get dressed up , and go out to dinner . The dance isn ’ t done once you share a bed every night .

D / s tips 1 . Know who is expected to do what as far as chores , roles , or an initial contract discussed . Discussing who is in charge of things like grocery shopping , housework , and other tasks in the home will help both of you figure out your roles in the relationship . This is often a good time for an initial contract if you are interested in writing one up . Talk about what is expected of each partner , and how to respond to each other that may be different than you do now .
2 . Don ’ t expect Dominance and submission 24 / 7 - same goes for sex and play . There is a need for downtime . You may be preparing to have a 24 / 7 type of relationship , but this doesn ’ t mean that it will all sex and play all the time . Don ’ t expect your partner to be in the role every single minute . Downtime is necessary to make it work long term . That doesn ’ t make you
Visit submissiveguide . com for plenty more helpful advice and articles any less 24 / 7 . It does make you human . What you read in fantasy novels about the slave being tied up naked all day long doesn ’ t happen every day . You will likely still have to deal with bills and mishaps , sickness , and unexpected happiness along the way . Accept it as a part of your new life .
3 . Communicate openly about the adjustment to your new role . The best advice I can give is to take time out to discuss the changes in your relationship . Submission and Dominance aren ’ t easy , so don ’ t expect to pick it up right away or to make it perfect right out of the box . Build that level of communication even more by allowing each other to talk about things without recourse . It will help build security and trust in each other .
4 . Take the change slowly . Add rules and structure piece by piece . Don ’ t expect to do it all , all at once . This isn ’ t the time to dump all the fantasy rules and behavior changes on your submissive . There is no way anyone can pick up everything right away in a new move . Add things slowly as you adjust so that you don ’ t overwhelm them . You want to give this new facet of your life a chance to work .
5 . Get support from friends and local clubs . An often forgotten resource for adjusting to a new live-in relationship is friends and family that have done it before . Just because you ’ re establishing a D / s structure doesn ’ t mean your mom can ’ t help you figure out how best to adjust to having a partner to take care of . If you are seeking help with the D / s side of things , a local community could be a savior to you . Face to face meetings where you can get immediate support and advice is sometimes a treasure . If you can ’ t do a local scene , get support online . Make an effort to make it work before throwing in the towel when and if things get tough .
About the author
Luna Carruthers
Luna Carruthers is the founder of Submissive Guide ( https :// submissiveguide . com ), a leading BDSM community focusing on practical knowledge to help submissives of all variations live their best lives . She is the author of several books , including the workbook , SUBMISSIVE REFLECTION - A Journey of Rediscovery and Affirmation . Luna embraced her submissive nature over 15 years ago and loves service and protocol . She is active in the local BDSM community in Iowa with her Dominant husband .
Follow @ subguide on Twitter , Instagram , and YouTube . Find us on Fetlife at http :// subgui . de / fetlife
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