Darkside 65 sure . Being in any relationship already means wearing lots of hats : the best friend hat , the play partner hat , the submissive hat , the sexual partner hat , and more . There may even be subdivisions to some hats . Take the play partner hat , for example . There may be a need for a bondage partner , a service partner , and an S / M partner . Each title is a different job requiring different skills . Even with overlap , it ’ s a ton of responsibility for one person . That ’ s why nothing gets over jealousy , like realizing it ’ s okay to delegate . Delegating — that is , allowing or supporting your partner to see other people to meet the needs you aren ’ t enthusiastic about meeting — can take a considerable amount of stress off of you and remove unnecessary tension from your relationship . Appreciating that you don ’ t have to overextend yourself to be everything for your partner at all times can be liberating . It can be a positive turning point in the relationship . Opening the relationship may turn out to be a better decision than you expect . Establish and nurture stability and open communication in your relationship . When people have consistency and stability in
So , feel the love in your relationship . Know it ’ s not going anywhere . The certainty and stability you allow yourself to feel will annihilate insecurity . Without insecurity , jealousy hardly has a petri dish to grow in .
Communication is the heart of all great relationships . If you ’ re feeling jealous about something your partner is doing , the best person to talk to is your partner . Notice the key phrase here is , “ your partner ”— not your partner ’ s partner , your metamour , or your prospective metamour — your partner . When deciding to speak to your partner , first , assess and organize your feelings . Otherwise , you may end up saying tons without communicating anything . After you ’ ve processed your feelings independently , if those feelings remain unresolved , discussing them with your partner can help .
When opening the relationship to additional sex or play partners , talking about boundaries can be quite literal . It may include discussing expectations for safer sex . What constitutes safer sex ? What specific practices will you each abide by ? These are questions to ask yourself and your partner . The conversation may also involve dividing your toys based on those which can be used on others and those which cannot .
Emotional boundaries are also important . Consider discussing any emotional hang-ups , any things that just wouldn ’ t feel right to you , before they manifest . Do you feel okay about your partner saying , “ I love you ” to someone else ? Are you comfortable with them kissing others on the mouth ? Are there toys that are safe to be used on others physically , but not emotionally ? Is there any particular activity you engage in with your partner that , if they did with someone else , would cause emotional harm ? This is the time to talk about it . It ’ s vital to remember , though , that this discussion is not about making demands . It lets your partner know what you are not comfortable with , what would constitute a breach of trust for you , but it is primarily about discussing how you can both keep your relationship healthy . Therefore , the focus is on letting your partner know what you are comfortable with and how you can work together to meet each other ’ s needs .
‘ Your partner ’ s preference of lifestyle says more about them than it does about you ’
their partnerships , they know they can rely on those relationships . It takes the guesswork out , eliminates anxiety . It makes the relationship a go-to , home-base , type of environment . When people can communicate honestly and openly in their relationships , they feel free , accepted , cared for , and heard . A relationship like that is one where the partners feel no fear of judgment or rejection for expressing themselves . There is implicit trust , a sense of ease , and comfort . Relationships like that are not a dime a dozen . They are special , important . They are not something to walk away from .
If you cultivate strong relationships , you can bask in the reassurance of that same strength . If you put time into evolving your partnerships , you can grow and develop together , even as you explore aspects of life separately . The home-base you make together will always be a home-base , so long as you choose to maintain it .
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Making your partner aware of your feelings may help them see things from your perspective . Sometimes , that alone can impact them enough to change or reduce behaviors that may be triggering your jealousy . Still , it ’ s important to remember that your jealousy is your jealousy , and in no way obligates them to walk on eggshells around you . Regardless of what they choose to do , it ’ s still your responsibility to manage your jealousy — for your sake , if nothing else .
If you speak with your partner and they can ’ t relate or understand , you can still take the next step . Start a conversation about boundaries . Boundaries are baseline requirements to keep you and your relationship safe . If your partner plans on seeing other people , what are the baseline requirements you need met to feel safe and want to continue your ( now open ) relationship ? It ’ s important to let your partner know what your boundaries are and what you might expect from them beforehand .
It can be a heavy conversation to hold . But , it ’ s not without its benefits . It can make you both feel safer and healthier about opening the relationship .
Talking with your partner about your jealousy , in general , may also rid you of some of your anxieties concerning what to expect . If you tell your partner exactly what you are afraid of , they may confide in you the precise likelihood of that fear materializing . It gives them a chance to say whether the activity you ’ re concerned about was ever on the table , to begin with . If it was , at least you are prepared for ( and have an opening to talk about ) the possibility . If it wasn ’ t , you know you can stop worrying about now .
Open communication with your partner facilitates the transition into you , both finding a degree of comfort in your open relationship . It sets the stage for what you both can expect . It helps set boundaries for mutual safety and support . It also allows you to open up about feelings , which ( if done respectfully ) can enable bonding in the relationship , making it even stronger .
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