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Darkside
Luna Carruthers explores the potentially disastrous issue of jealousy ...
5 tips for dealing with jealousy in a D / s relationship
Jealousy is an odd bird . It nests in the unlikeliest of places . It sings at the most inopportune times — and it doesn ’ t let anyone sleep .
‘ Not beating yourself up with your jealousy means not indulging in thoughts that make matters worse ’
Whether you ’ re in a D / s dynamic that ’ s open to new play partners , or you ’ re in a polyamorous relationship , jealousy can be a challenge . If it ’ s causing snags in your relationships ( and even before it does ), coping with jealousy can be a useful skill to learn . These five tips will have you well on your way .
Want to play nice with others ? Play nice with yourself , first . Don ’ t beat yourself up with your jealousy , and don ’ t beat yourself up about your jealousy .
Not beating yourself up with your jealousy means not indulging in thoughts that make matters worse . You don ’ t have to stalk every ill-meandering thought to its conclusion , and with jealousy , it ’ s best if you don ’ t . If your thoughts are leading to bad places , you ’ re under no obligation to follow them .
Distract yourself . Journal . Whatever you do , don ’ t obsess . Thoughts of what your partner is doing with their partner are conjecture at best — stewing on such thoughts does you no good .
If curiosity does gets the better of you , you can ask your partner if they are comfortable with telling you what happened after . But we all know what they say about curiosity . Reflect on what you ’ re really looking for ( and what ’ s compassionate to you ) before asking . Not beating yourself up about your jealousy means not guilt- Feeling jealous doesn ’ t make you a bad submissive or partner . It ’ s acting on jealousy that gets you into trouble . If you ’ re not
Darkside • Issue 38