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Darkside
Nookie ’ s Niche
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NookieNotes , founder of dating website DatingKinky . com discusses topical kink issues .
“ Is kink really sex-positive ?”
I have my opinions , of course . And I ’ ll share . I ’ m asking you .
Because it feels to me that we can go out in public spaces , be naked , do raunchy and frankly bizarre , even insane things to bodies and be applauded , BUT ... sex is actually shied away from .
I ’ ve been to hundreds of kinky and lifestyle events .
Some with over a thousand people .
I ’ ve seen a zipper sewn live to pussy lips , so it could be opened and closed . I ’ ve seen people hung from hooks . I ’ ve seen branding ( and done them ), cuttings , torture , and more .
And aside from at my own public venue or private parties , the number of events at which I ’ ve seen actual sexual activity ... I could probably count on two hands .
And the number of events that positively promote sexual activity as natural and welcome AND make people feel safe doing so – putting out condoms and lubes and wipes and puppy pads in the same way that they put out cleaning supplies and such for the kinky activities ? Reduces the number to one hand .
And half of the time I ’ ve seen sex at public events – even when it was
specifically welcomed – I ’ ve also heard people complaining that they should not have had to see that , or that it wasn ’ t really “ kinky .”
WHAT ?!? She was fucking her slave with a strap on , holding onto reins that were threaded through her nipples with hooks . Pretty damn kinky , if you ask me .
And HOT . So hot . I ’ m not complaining . Not really .
I mean , people have a right to do with their kink what they want to do .
However , many people are whispering and talking and muttering and , well , complaining . Because kink is sort of promoted as sex-positive . And it ’ s really not a lot of the time .
Let me be clear : I ’ m not talking BDSM or specific subcultures . I ’ m talking the umbrella of kink , which includes fetishes ( which are inherently sexual ), sexual dynamics , and more .
But there is still in my experience a natural wall of “ STOP HERE . Sex may not proceed .”
Even in spaces where “ no pink bits ” is not a rule .
( I wonder if it might be a subconscious attempt to avoid being cast as
“ swingers ,” or kink parties being labeled “ sex parties ”?)
Which seems ... hypocritical .
After all the sex positive vibes that are doled out .
Frankly , it is only mildly disappointing to me . I tend to be more private than most with my sex and kink , anyway . Although when I ran The Venue , I was always an enthusiastic cheerleader and voyeur in the sex-positive area .
I miss that . I do .
And I know that SO MANY people are frustrated by it , and have a hard time bridging that gap .
So , I thought I ’ d ask you .
NOTE : The private parties I go to tend to be FAR more sex positive and encouraging , by the way .
Contact Nookie : darksidemagazine @ hotmail . net
Darkside • Issue 38