Our main mission was to start and run a Guest House for incoming mission teams, train orphans from a local Children’s Home to begin running it, and hope that the money gained from the house would help support the Children’s Home.
Both working in the Guest-House and at the Children’s Home rendered new relationships, great stories, and amazing opportunities to minister. My already-large family grew during that time, as did my heart.
“Why don’t I love like that on a regular basis?”
Nothing can describe the feeling I got when a child from the Home, after braiding my hair, laid her head in my lap, looked up with her big brown eyes and said, “I wish you were my mother.”
That is true love. Love that cannot see the color of someone’s skin. Love that does not care about the fact that you came from a different culture. Love that sees the heart, not just the shell that holds it. Love that Jesus had for me.
“Why do I look for fulfillment in sources other than CHRIST?”
I was in awe when I saw pastors who traveled on foot for hours, just to make it to a weekly pastor’s conference. They were so hungry for the Word, so completely fine with walking through rain and mud, to only hear It spoken for a few hours. These people with nothing were the ones who saw the truest treasure in the world.
As these questions and others accumulated, I slowly but surely slipped into a trap that many missionaries fall into: Feeling Judgmental.
I would see a random rant on the internet that ended with the common hashtag: “#firstworldprobs” and I would feel anger boil up inside.
“You have no idea do you?” I would think, harshly, “There are people in the world who would give anything to have a lifetime of your worst days…”
Little did I realize, I was forgetting to read my Bible for comfort and guidance. I was relying on my feelings to dictate my behavior. This crazed whirlwind of emotion began to effect my outlook on life…and my relationship with my family.
Once I turned back to GOD’S Word, things began to improve. I worked on mending my relationships with my dearest loved ones, and I began to feel better.
By the time February of 2014 rolled around, our mission had been completed. We had accomplished everything we knew GOD had sent us for, and then some!! Sometimes HIS timing is really crazy, because we had calculated for the mission to take two or three years; and it only took six months… We knew our time there was done, and it was time to come home.
Goodbyes were difficult. The children who I had become closest to, felt like family to me. I wanted to pack all of them into my suitcase and bring them back to America with me. And so did they.
In parting, I did my best to smile and keep my voice steady. But tears are difficult to hold back; especially when they are because of love.