yourself, have self esteem, respect yourself, etc,' but really taking it from the perspective of accepting the way that God made you. So we talk about the ten unchangeable things in life - where God has placed you, who your family is, who your parents are, siblings, your birth order, your nationality, your gender, and physical features...accepting all these things about the way that God has created you, as His unique, special person.
So we talk about our own struggles with that. Just like any other girl, we've all struggled with thinking, 'Oh, I'm not beautiful, I'm not loved....' And it's not a one-time fix. It's a daily struggle. And even among us sisters, just comparing ourselves or saying, 'Oh your outfit is way cuter than mine!' Or just these feelings of 'I'm ugly,' or whatever it may be, those lies the devil really throws at you. So we talk about how we've been able to overcome those things in our lives, by going to God's Word and what He says about us. He says, 'You are fearfully and wonderfully made,' and He didn't mess up. We're not a mistake, none of our physical features, none of our design is a mistake. It's choosing to love what God calls beautiful. Choosing to accept ourselves, and how God made us. We share a lot of our own personal stories in that first chapter.”
GETTING TO KNOW GOD
Another amazingly vital topic the girls covered in their book is our relationship with God. Everything revolves around that! Yet sadly, at times our lives can get so busy and hectic that we barely take time out of our day to sit and chat with the Creator of the Universe! I asked the Duggar girls how they make time in their busy lives to draw closer to Jesus, and really get to know Him as a friend.
Jill said, “In our book we didn't include one chapter about your relationship with God, because we really feel like it should be interwoven throughout all of our relationships. So we really wanted to present it that way in the book as well. But really, your relationship with God should be first and foremost in your life, as far as the first part of your day, if possible, and at least even making the commitment to read your Bible for five minutes a day, pray for five minutes a day, those are things that we made a commitment to as young ladies. And then from there, we encourage girls that if they want to grow in God, they have to be reading His Word and hearing from Him, by reading His letters to us through the Bible.
So we encourage girls to surround themselves with good Christian friends who are going to build them up and encourage them to be more like Jesus.
Also, to spend time disciplining others, and to find ministry opportunities where they can serve others and serve God.
But personally spending that time reading God's word and filling your mind with the Words of Christ, memorizing Scripture, meditating on it, and even making that the first thing you do in the day.”
GETTING TO KNOW GUYS: HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TRUE PRINCE CHARMING, AND A FROG?
Jessa has some great advice when it comes to navigating our way through relationships with guys.
“I think the tendency often is to look just at the outward appearance. And that's where you can be fooled. Because girls want the cute guy, you know? And sometimes they just look at that, and only go off looks. Or sometimes it can be his personality, and they think, 'Oh, he has a great sense of humor, he makes me laugh. Oh, that's nice, I like laughing, I like feeling happy and being joyful, so he must be a good guy.' And they don't really look for character qualities in his life.
So in our book we encourage girls to look beyond that and not just say, 'Oh, he's super cute!' Or, 'He makes me happy,' but ask yourself, 'Is he full of Godly character? Is he honest? Is he hard working? Is he self-controlled? Is he slow to anger?
That's a huge thing because a lot of guys, when they're at a sporting event and their team doesn’t win, they just fly off the handle in rage. And that's not something you want as a husband, a man as the father of your children. Ask yourself this question to decide: 'Is this a man that I would like to spend the rest of my life with?'”
Jill adds another important tidbit: “And getting to know him also in an environment where he's spending a lot of time in already, whether that be with his family, so that you're not only going on dates within the perfect environment or the perfect setting, but really seeing what he's like in real life situations, and spending time together with his family, or whatever that may look like.”
I ask a tough one, “So, let's say the guy lines up with all of your high, character quality expectations, you really like him, and think he might be someone you'd like to pursue a relationship with. Now what?”
Jessa laughs, “Well obviously we don't go propose to the guy. Hahaha!” She continues, “I think really, it's an attitude of wanting what is best for him. And sometimes it's difficult whenever you meet a guy and think, 'Wow he's a really good guy,' and you see a lot of character, there's a tendency to think, 'Well I deserve this.' Or, 'I want this relationship, so I'm going to make it happen on my own,' and not really trusting God in that area, like if you're trying to be flirtatious and trying to draw the person to yourself. I think really, what each one of our goals are within friendships with guys, is to challenge the guy through conversation and through how we act, to draw him to Jesus. And not to ourselves. But to encourage him to be the man that God wants him to be.
And it's interesting how through that, having meaningful conversations about God, when we're not constantly talking about ourselves and bragging about ourselves, but rather having a spiritual focus in those friendships, that is very attractive. If the guy is on fire for the Lord, and is a good Christian guy,
that will be attractive to him.