ballet classes, but aside from that I walked, sat, slept, ran, and lived my life in that brace. I was devastated. I was convinced that no one would want to be friends with a girl who wore plastic armor under her clothes. I remember attending my ballet class that night and staring at the other girls in my class, whose perfectly straight spines and strong ballerina backs I had never noticed before. I noticed because I believed that “beautiful” girls didn’t have crooked spines.
For the next two years, I lived my life in my brace, and it became a part of me. I acquired a new wardrobe of clothes two sizes too big to fit over the brace, and learned how to adapt in it. I had to creatively pick things up I’d dropped on the floor, sleep comfortably without moving, do sit-ups in gym, and deal with the intense North Carolina summer heat in a stifling hot prosthetic. Every day was a personal victory for me as I grew to know that I was loved and cared about, even though I looked different from girls my age. In a time when I could have retreated and lost all confidence in myself, I chose to face my fears of being a social outcast with a determination to not let my condition hold me back. I continued to dance and even joined the swim team my Freshman year of High School. I
began practicing yoga and became more flexible, aware, and at peace with my body. I faithfully wore the brace and saw many doctors and specialists who helped me find alternative options to surgery and taught me how to manage my condition. Although it was uncomfortable, awkward, bulky, and at times painful, my brace was critical during those years in helping me define my identity. I became confident in the aspects of my body and character that were within my control, and quickly realized that no one treated me differently because of my Scoliosis. My friends even named the brace, and would punch my “rock solid” stomach as a greeting, often stunning strangers who would hear the loud WHACK their fists made upon contact.
When my doctors felt that I was nearly done growing, it came time for me to ease out of the brace. I remember feeling strange without the support it offered my body, and my post-brace x-rays showed that my curvature had slightly improved over the course of my treatment. With the help of my family and friends, I had overcome what I thought was impossible. I knew then that I was so much more than my body. My spine is not who I am, it’s just a part of what makes me, me!
Since my time in the brace, my battle with my continually worsening Scoliosis is something I still deal with every single day. I have to live a slightly different life than most people my age, and I’m still learning how to cope and manage the pain. Even though to me it is obvious that my spine is crooked, my ribs stick out, one leg is longer than the other, and I can’t sit or stand for long periods of time, I know that those little things make me who I am, but they are not everything I am. When others look at me, they might initially see what’s on the outside, but what I want them to see is that I know that I’m beautiful the way I am. I know that God loves me, that he has given me a perfectly imperfect body so that I can understand what it’s like to be different, to be lonely, and to not feel beautiful sometimes.
I believe that true beauty is something that can’t be bought; it’s something that can’t be tanned, dressed up, powdered, faked, baked, or photo shopped. True beauty has more to do with a girl’s realization of her inner potential and the strength of her character. A beautiful girl exudes confidence, happiness, kindness, and love. She is thoughtful and respectful of others. She understands that her decisions impact not only the course her life will take, but also affects the people surrounding her. She is determined and hard working, and continues working when others would give up and prop their feet up. She’s the first to show up to help and the last to leave; the girl who makes friends with those who may be lonely or new. She’s the kind of girl who isn’t afraid to stand up for what she knows is right, even if everyone else is doing it.
A beautiful girl knows that she is not her body, and chooses to love the little imperfections that make her who she is.
Believe you are beautiful, not the way the world wants you to be, but the kind of beautiful that surpasses trends, age, and culture. True beauty is the kind of beauty that shines through oversized clothes, crooked spines, and a prosthetic back brace.
I believe it. Do you?
Hailey Gardiner is the eldest sister of YouTube sensations, The Gardiner Sisters. Their spunky and spirited cover of a One Direction song has gotten over 4 million views! Hailey strives to encourage her little sisters and all their fans to be a bright light of goodness and joy in the world.