us. They can’t let us be free.” I tailor my communication to fit my audience, using the lingual style
of the community (I am mildly conversational in Tshivenda by now, but communicating complex
ideas in this tribal language is not yet my strong suit).
“But, it’s our culture,” he urges.
This is the comment I was warned about since arriving here. This is the one comment that seems
to be paired with any and all resistance to change. I’ve heard many an acquaintance, friend, and
counterpart express distaste for this comment, as they explain it’s use as an illogical excuse for
stagnation. I choose not to become irritated by this comment. This man is sharing his beliefs with
me, and it is my social responsibility to appreciate his candor, and to dig deeper for
understanding. This isn’t about having a clash of cultures at a village fruit stand, it’s about
opening minds. So, let’s stay on task.
“The woman can’t be equal-it’s our culture,” he continues.
“You are still a Venda man even if you respect the woman. The woman is a giver of life. You
can’t be here without her. And she is the giver of all things-do you eat meals without a woman
preparing them for you?” I ask.
“No, I can’t.” he agrees.
“To say a woman is not equal is like saying they are not human. But God made them human.
How do we treat animals here in the village? We make them do work, and if they do not, we beat
them” (I tactically use the term “we” in this conversation to convey a sense of unity; this
conversation could take a turn for the worst if I am preaching about how “you people” treat
animals. I’ve had many similar conversations here about the love and importance of animals, but
that is not this particular conversation, so in the interest of efficacy, I stay honed in on my
purpose in thismoment). “Is that also how women are treated here?” I ask.
“Yes. But if we let the women be free, then they will no longer respect the man,” he explains his
reasoning.
“It does not work like that. Right now, the woman is treated like an animal. If she is treated like a
person, if she is allowed to feel like a human…If she is able to receive love and respect, then she
can respect a man- even more. Let me ask you something. Do you have daughters?”
“Yes.” he replies.
“Do you want your daughter to feel like an animal, or like a strong woman?” I ask.
“Like a strong woman,” he states. “But it’s our culture.”