In the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving later this month, making this the perfect time to think about gratitude and appreciation.
Although most people use the terms “gratitude” and “appreciation” interchangeably, Abraham-Hicks teaches that they are actually quite different. Gratitude comes out of struggle – and still holds on to that struggle – while appreciation is somewhat akin to love.
Say you’ve gone through a horrible financial situation, or a tough time with your teen. With that struggle still informing your feelings about money or your child, you say, “I’m so grateful that’s over!” When you have some emotional distance, you can look at it differently. Maybe you’ve come to see that the lessons you learned were totally worth the struggle or that you ended up somewhere you really like being as a result. You have a new way of handling your money. Your teen is growing up to be a fine adult and your relationship is better than ever. From that vantage point, you can appreciate (love) where you’ve been and what you’ve gained as a result.
Whether you are grateful or appreciative – or somewhere in between – it’s a good idea to regularly acknowledge the good things in your life. Some people say that by focusing on things you are appreciative for, you will actually increase the amount of goodness in your life. Other people think it’s a matter of perspective; by making an effort to notice things to be grateful for, you are expanding your awareness, but nothing in your life really changes. Although I’m more likely to believe the former over the latter, ultimately it doesn’t matter. If my regular appreciation/gratitude practice makes me happier and more humble, does it really matter where the goodness is coming from?
There are several ways to bring either (or both!) gratitude or appreciation into your life on a regular basis. My husband often asks me, just as we’re snuggled in bed and about to drift off to sleep, what I’m appreciative of that day, and I, in turn, ask him. These conversations can be great ways to begin the habit of a regular gratitude/appreciation practice. Ask your kids at bedtime or go around the dinner table, giving each family member a chance to share their list. Many of us do that at Thanksgiving dinner; why not practice all year long?
Another easy way to increase your appreciation is mental recitation. For example, when I wake up in the morning, often one of my first conscious thoughts is how warm and comfortable, safe and protected I feel. When I remember – which is not often enough – I state that thought as an appreciation. That often starts a short list of things I’m grateful for right in the moment. That’s a great way to start my day! When I’m stuck in freeway traffic (I live in Southern California in the Los Angeles area, so it happens more often than I’d really like), I appreciate how wonderful it is that I have a car that I like, that there’s a local radio station that plays tunes I groove on, that the sun is shining. I appreciate the things I love about living here, the interesting podcasts on my phone, and my playlist. Often times, when I run out of things to appreciate, traffic is starting to break up!
You can always keep a written list. Every evening before bed is a great time to reflect on your day and think of five to seven things that you are appreciative of. For maximum effective, don’t just write down your appreciations, but make a note as to why you appreciate each particular item. Don’t just say you appreciate your best friend; make a note about her sense of humor, her compassion, her support. Whatever trait you specifically experienced that day. As an extra challenge, pick a few days a month to expand your list. For an entire month, I tried to list 100 things to be grateful for or appreciative of each day – and I tried not to repeat anything two days in a row. I’ll be honest, I never reached my goal of 100 entries (and I did repeat some things), but that was probably one of the best months I’ve ever had, mood wise. I started my list in the morning and added to it as the day went by. I went through my whole day, for a month, really present to what was happening to and around me. I was constantly asking myself, “Is this something for my list? Is that?”
CIndy Jones Lantier