A 2013 study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester concluded that people who suppressed their emotions have a higher risk for developing cancer and a number of other chronic diseases and ultimately an earlier death . It ’ s also been linked to depression and anxiety , poorer academic outcomes , aggression , substance abuse , and recklessness . The bottom line is that forcing boys to repress their emotions is quite literally killing them , and it ’ s up to us to change the tide .
To learn more about how we can help our boys process their emotions in a healthy way , I reached out to my friend and colleague , Bridgett Miller . Bridgett is a facilitator at the Neufeld Institute , a leading voice in child development , and the author of What Young Children Need You to Know . I asked her , “ People are still afraid that a boy who cries will be too ‘ soft ’ or ‘ girly .’ What ’ s the emotional consequence in plugging up those tears ?”
She said , “ Parents who are hoping to toughen up their sons to fit into a society that venerates men exhibiting toughness are neither ill-intentioned nor malicious . They have been misled by a false but prevailing belief that boys shouldn ’ t cry . Some beliefs are hard to change , and this is certainly one of them . When we consider that boys and girls have the very same emotional systems , it ’ s mindboggling to think they would need to be treated differently . Being able to feel their sadness is what moves young children to have their tears . Tears are meant to signal to us they ’ re upset and in need of our comfort . By the time a child cries tears of sadness , loss , or disappointment , they have already experienced the emotional hurt of things not going their way . When they burst into tears upon hearing they may not have another cookie , it ’ s an indication they ’ ve felt the pang of futility associated with not getting what they so desperately want . Their tears are an external sign of their brain ’ s acceptance of this very sad fact and shows they have entered the emotional process of adapting to circumstances they can ’ t change or control .”
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