To answer this , I turned to Brigett Miller , author of What Young Children Need You To Know . Bridgett is a facilitator at the Neufeld Institute and has decades of experience working with young children .
She explains this development :
“ From a child ’ s perspective , bedtime is when the people they love most leave them to go off and do more important or exciting things . Even though we might not use these specific words and the exciting thing we have to do is load the dishwasher , they pick up on our energy , which conveys our hurry to move the bedtime routine along . Children lock in on our intent to leave them like a shark senses blood in the water . They become preoccupied with doing whatever it takes to keep us with them a bit longer because they are emotionally agitated by the anticipation of the impending separation .”
Although it may seem like a brilliant manipulative tactic when kids give endless requests for water , snacks , and extra stories at bedtime , they ’ re really being driven by a biological need for closeness . However , without an understanding of their developmental stage , we do tend to feel that they ’ re being manipulative , and as we get more desperate for them to go to sleep , they become more desperate for us to stay , and this is where bedtime becomes a battleground .
Bridgett says , “ Whenever we fixate on trying to get our children to go to sleep , we inadvertently make things more difficult on ourselves , and on them . Yes , adult persistence may eventually appear to work , but when a child collapses out of sheer emotional exhaustion , few parents are left feeling satisfied . Relieved maybe , but seldom content with their methods .”
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