How to Encourage Truth-Telling
Understand the motive. The reasons why kids
lie are wide and varied. Before you can voice your
disappointment, it’s important to understand why your
child lied to you in the first place. Keep the discussion
short and refrain from making it a moral issue, which
is too complex for young children. Asking too many
why questions will likely lead to making a child feel bad
about who he is, which might encourage more lying.
Instead, treat the lecture the way a cop would when
pulling you over for a speeding ticket. Ask your child
if he knows what he did was wrong. Explain what the
infraction was. Then write the ticket.
Avoid harsh punishments. Following up behavioral
traits with consequences is the only way to reinforce or
discourage them. But the effectiveness of a consequence
will largely depend on how appropriate it is. Studies
show that children from families who enforce strict
rule-following and discourage open dialogue report
lying more frequently.
If your child was trying to gain your approval, then
perhaps the best consequence should be some quality
one-on-one time with you. Or if your child was lying
to avoid a punishment, ask yourself if your reaction to
his mistakes have been rational. Perhaps you’ve been
moody and short with your child lately. Would you have
lied if you were in his shoes? Could you blame him?
Even as an adult, you may have done the same when
faced with an unreasonable boss or family member.
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