Hold with respect and empathy . When your child pushes against your boundary , you hold it with respect and empathy . You might say , “ I understand that you really want cookies for breakfast . That does sound delicious , but it ’ s not what your body needs to grow strong .” If you ’ re parenting a teen , it sounds like “ I know you want to go camping with your friends , but I have some concerns I want to discuss ” or “ The agreement was that , if you broke curfew again , you wouldn ’ t go out this weekend . I know you ’ re upset about that , and it sucks you now have to miss the game .”
Come up with a solution . Punishments very rarely help children do better because they don ’ t provide a solution . If a child knows what not to do but doesn ’ t have the skills or cognitive ability to do something different , punishment will not solve it , only teaching or time will . Solutions vary by age , and may include a time-in for your toddler or preschooler , allowing natural consequences for your older child , or a logical solution . For example , a child who failed math would benefit more from a tutor or a study schedule than losing his PlayStation .
Reaffirm the attachment relationship . Anytime there is conflict or correction , it ’ s important to repair any rifts and reaffirm the attachment . This is easily done by saying , “ We ’ re ok . I love you !” and spending quality time together . Healthy relationships don ’ t harbor resentment , so it ’ s important to move on .
Remember , while boundaries can be tricky , and holding them in the face of a screaming child requires great emotional maturity , as parents , this is how we be the calm captain that steers our children in the right direction with loving authority . •
20