So while it would be convenient if your strong-
willed child did what you told her do simply be-
cause you said so, consider what’s at the heart of
this wish. You probably don’t want your child to
merely adhere to an authority figure. You want
her to listen to you because she trusts you. This
takes time and effort. Here’s are some tips on how
to hone and nurture their talents.
• Try to teach them through experience. Tell a
strong-willed not to do something, and she’ll
immediately become curious as to why not.
Strong-willed children are experimental
learners. So if they’re not in any danger, it’s
probably best to take the time to show them
why they should or should not do something.
If you can’t show them, take the time to ex-
plain the logic behind rules and requests.
• Provide options. Nobody likes being told what
to do. But strong-willed children find this
particularly unpalatable. They need and crave
autonomy and when you’re a kid, you get very
little of it. There’s always a way to incorporate
choices. Instead of telling them it’s bath time,
ask them if they would like to go bath now or
in 10 minutes. Or if your strong-willed child
has done something that warrants an apolo-
gy, give them the autonomy to figure out how
they want to say sorry. Providing options
helps strong-willed children save face, some-
thing that’s important to them.
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