5 . Don ’ t trivialize . Sometimes kids have big feelings over seemingly little things , and it can be easy to brush those off as nonsense , but again it ’ s about making relationship deposits . Put yourself in those little shoes and try to see from his perspective . When kids know we can handle their big feelings , they ’ ll come to us with them . On the other hand , if their big feelings cause us to have big feelings or make them feel ashamed or on guard for having them , they ’ ll stuff them down or take them elsewhere .
6 . Provide the right environment . Questions like “ how was school ” or “ who did you play with at recess ” are likely to draw one word answers . It can be so frustrating and alarming to feel like you ’ re being shut out ! But rather than trying to drag it out of them , just provide the right environment for safe conversation . The right environment is one of connection , warmth , and unconditional positive regard . If kids fear they ’ ll lose our attention or affection if they share difficult truths with us , then we lose .
7 . Be available . I often hear about how teens and tweens open up best in the quiet still of the night . I know by the end of the day , we are so done , but being available those few extra minutes just might mean the world to your kid , and to your relationship .•
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