Here are the 3 A ’ s of active listening .
• Attitude . It is important to have the attitude that your teen deserves the respect of being listened to . Just as you immediately know when your teen “ has an attitude ,” your teen can quickly determine yours as well . If your attitude isn ’ t open , warm , inviting , and respectful , your teen will shut down . Approach the conversation with a relaxed and open attitude , and your teen is more likely to open up to you .
• Attention . There are several ways to show your teen that you are paying attention , including your body language , eye contact , and head nodding . Saying phrases like “ yes , go on ” or “ I understand , continue ” will encourage your teen to keep sharing . You can also repeat back what you heard to show that you are understanding the situation correctly .
• Adjustment . This means you are able to go with the flow of the conversation and adapt to what the speaker is saying . Many times , we start to assume that we know where the conversation is doing and what the point will be so we interrupt or tune out , and active listening requires us to stay with the speaker , continue listening attentively , adjust our mannerisms to the changing conversation , and see it through to its end .
If you ’ re having trouble getting your teen to open up that first time so that you can show them your improved listening skills , concentrate on improving the relationship first through quality time , laughter , and connecting activities such as family outings . When your teen feels close and connected , she will start to talk , and when you show her how well you listen when she does , she ’ ll continue to do so . •
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