While it may seem like a simple solution , parents don ’ t necessarily use these positive listening skills when their teens want to discuss a situation or ask for something . We are often quick to jump to judgement , rescuing , criticism , or shutting down the request . Too many times , parents talk over their teens rather than practicing active listening , and this shuts down communication very quickly as teenagers have a profound need to be heard and understood .
Before we move on to how to be an active listener that encourages your teen to open up , take a few moments to reflect on your own needs in your relationships . What helps you to feel seen and heard ? What makes you feel like the other person truly cares about what you have to say ? What makes you feel ignored or belittled ? Think of someone whom you always feel comfortable sharing with , someone who makes you feel better after talking with them . What do they do ?
Now think of someone who often makes you feel worse . Someone who leaves you feeling defensive , hurt , or unworthy . How do they communicate with you ? What do they say or do that leaves you feeling this way ? Do they shame , criticize , or judge you ? Do they make you feel invalidated by telling you it ’ s not that bad , get over it , or you ’ re overreacting ?
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