editor’s choice
Here’s how that might look:
Six-year-old Jack is playing with his dinosaurs when his four-
year-old brother, Sam, comes over and grabs the T-Rex from his
hands.
Once kids learn to identify and express their
emotions, the need to act out diminishes and
communication greatly improves. As Dr.
Markham lays out, three things are happening
while you are playing interpreter.
1. You’re describing what’s happening.
2. You’re empathizing with each child.
3. You’re coaching them to put their
feelings into words without attacking
the other person.
Jack: Hey! Give it back Sam! I’m playing with that!
Sam: No! I want to play!
You: Hey, what’s the shouting about?
Jack: Sam took my T-Rex that I was playing with!!
You: So Jack was having a turn with the T-Rex and you wanted a turn?
Can you tell him what you want?
Sam: I want a turn with the T-Rex!
Jack: It’s my turn!
You: I hear you. You both want a turn. What solution can we come up
with?
Jack: I can give the Sam the T-Rex when my turn is over.
Sam: But I want it now!
You: Sam, I hear that you want the T-Rex now, but how would you feel if
Jack grabbed it out of your hands before your turn was up?
Sam: Bad I guess. Fine, but I want a turn soon.
Jack: I’ll play with it until lunch, and then you can play with it.
Sam: Ok.
You: That sounds like a great solution! Well done!
Of course, these situations don’t always go so smoothly, but we
do the best we can at helping them come to a peaceful resolution.
After a few practices, they’ll begin to do this on their own. I still
remember the day I started to step in during a sibling dispute and
my older son, “That’s okay, Mom. We can handle it.”
Magical.
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