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In fact, without proper teaching, children are likely to fall
into patterns of bully and victim and never learn how to
work through the dispute constructively.
Emotional intelligence is a key part of conflict resolution
because for a resolution to take place, children must be
able to understand their own emotions and the emotions
of others and to verbally express those feelings in an
appropriate way. This doesn’t happen overnight. Although
it takes time to develop these skills, each time we talk about
feelings with our kids, we are helping the process along.
Describe to your children how sadness, anger, happiness,
and other emotions feel in the body. Talk about ways to
move through the sadness, frustration, etc. so that your
child will learn the lifelong benefit of emotions regulation.
For more on emotional intelligence, read my article 5 Ways
to Bolster Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence.
Teaching Children
to Resolve Conflicts
In a perfect world, our children would all get along
with one another. There’d be no sibling squabbles and
no fighting amongst friends. Of course, we don’t live in
a perfect world, and so peaceful conflict resolution is an
important skill for children to learn. When left to work it
out for themselves, few children actually do.
A second key to successful conflict resolution is learning
how to communicate effectively. You can coach children
through this process by playing the role of interpreter.
The goal is to help children voice their feelings and needs
and to help each child understand what the other person’s
feelings and needs are as well. In her book, Peaceful Parent,
Happy Siblings, Dr. Laura Markham says, “Successful
interpretation requires us to use our empathy to understand
the perspective of both children. It also requires us to stay
calm, so we can resist leaping to judgment, even while
we set limits to keep everyone safe.” If children cannot
express what he wants with words, they will use actions
such as hitting, pushing, biting, etc. That’s why emotional
intelligence is so important.
BY: Rebecca Eanes
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