• Focus on praise kids have control over.
Praise is much more effective when you make
comments about their effort, attitude, sense of
responsibility, commitment, discipline, focus,
decision-making abilities, compassion, generosity
and respect, than on unalterable qualities such as
intelligence, physical attractiveness, or athletic
or artistic gifts.
• Be specific. If the purpose of praise is to reinforce
a positive behavior, then it’s important to be
specific when telling our kids why we’re proud of
them. Instead of saying, “Good job,” for example,
try a comment like, “You worked so hard on this
project,” “You were so focused during the game,”
or “thank you for sharing.”
• Ask questions to encourage introspection.
Allow your child the space to decide for himself
how he feels about his accomplishments. By
asking questions like, “What did you enjoy most
about your game?” or “What did you enjoy most
about your performance?” your child can arrive
at their own feelings of accomplishment.
• Don’t say anything. If you really want to try
something different, hold off on the praise, at least
for a little while. When parents remain quiet,
kids now have the ability to hear their own voice
and become less dependent on your praise to feel
good about himself.
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