The Elf on the Shelf is also watching, and reports all misbehavior back to Santa. Children are routinely being shamed to the“ naughty list” and expected to live up to vague notions of“ being good.” Christmas should be a time of joy, gratitude, giving, and cheer. Instead, we’ ve made it a game of empty threats and creepy magical spies, and our children end up living in fear rather than enjoying the magic of the holiday season. That’ s hardly fair. Consider the following points before you use the Santa threat this year.
1. Would you rather your child behave out of respect for you or fear of an imaginary man? The obvious problem with the Santa threat of course is that it is temporary. Come December 26th, what new tactic will you use? This is always the problem with using threats to gain compliance – you always have to come up with new, bigger threats because the“ benefits” don’ t last. The only real authority comes through a positive, trusting relationship between parent and child. Threats, punishments, and shame only give you temporary control at best, and the emotional toll those take on children is a high price t pay for temporary control. The goal should be for children to listen because they have a genuine respect for you – and because they have learned self-discipline – not because they’ re terrified they’ ll end up on some made-up naughty list and disappoint an imaginary guy.
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