Steven R . Covey , best-selling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families , first coined the metaphor Emotional Bank Account . He said , “ By proactively doing things that build trust in a relationship , one makes ‘ deposits ’. Conversely , by reactively doing things that decrease trust , one makes ‘ withdrawals ’. The current ‘ balance ’ in the emotional bank account , will determine how well two people can communicate and problem-solve together .” He identified 6 ways to make deposits into your relationships :
• Understanding the individual . This means that you listen to how they feel , show empathy , and show that you truly care . You seek to truly understand their perspectives and experiences .
• Keeping commitments . This just means you do what you say you ’ re going to do . You show up when you promise to show up . This builds trust .
• Clarifying expectations . We often expect our kids ( and others ) to know what we expect even if we never say it . When we communicate our expectations clearly , it helps our kids and others know what we need . No guessing . This is another way to build trust in the relationship .
• Attending to the “ little things .” Sometimes , particularly in our parent-child relationships , we tend to focus on the big things . When we take time out to notice and appreciate the little things about someone , it makes them feel seen and loved . Things like showing a little extra effort , noticing and appreciating small actions , a hug and smile , and a few minutes of quality time really go a long way in building the relationship .
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