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Before her son, Matthew, became ill with brain cancer at age 9, Nikki Austin regularly attended her Methodist church in Eastern Washington. Her beliefs, she said, used to
fit into “a nice, pretty box.” She trusted that God would watch over her family, that life would always be good.
“Then Matthew gets diagnosed and every- thing I believed got turned upside down. I don’t accept those ideas anymore. It caused me to question all sorts of things. I will never just blindly follow again,” Austin said. “Now, my faith is all over the place. I still believe in God. But it’s messy.”
When Matthew was sick, she prayed. While some friends and family told her they were praying for a miracle, Austin asked God for
a long stretch of symptom-free days for her son, good times for her family and, in the end, minimal suffering for Matthew. She felt she got those things. Matthew died in November 2013. He was 11.
“But I can think of other families whose kids were diagnosed, who didn’t get good time, who suffered immensely. What do you say about those families? How do you reconcile God with those families? Was God not there for them? That’s where it gets hard for me and I don’t feel like there are answers,” Austin said. “For me, it just doesn’t fit into
a nice box anymore.”
Today, she describes herself as “spiritual, not religious.” She still prays. And she hangs onto a belief that prayer can have some therapeutic effect on people with cancer. She saw that benefit in Matthew, she said, when they talked of heaven and about seeing his late Grandma Mabel or Jake, the family dog who had recently died.
“That gave him comfort. One of the things with kids is that unknown — what happens when you die? For us to be able to answer some of that helped him. It gave him more of a peace about what was going to happen,” Austin said “It helped his anxiety.”
Of course, there’s a distinction between a person in pain relaxing amid a whisper of heavenly thoughts and the expectation that prayers may spark physical rejuvenation.
A Harvard study of 1,800 hospitalized patients found no difference in recoveries among the patients who were told strangers were praying for their health and those who were informed that no intercessory prayers were coming their way.
“I have concerns about studies like this, especially about the methods of the study, the limited understanding of prayer, and the burden some patients and families might experience if there were a positive study outcome,” King said. “Although I believe prayer can make a difference in a number
of ways, I have also witnessed people being traumatized by expecting or demanding that their prayers for cure be answered and then not experiencing a cure.”
A revelation at Lourdes
But for Juan, whose health has improved in the months since he traveled with his wife to Lourdes, one prayer was answered,
he said.
When he first arrived in the small French town long associated with the Virgin Mary and medical cures for ill pilgrims, he was thinking about a miracle, he said.
“While I was there, I just can’t explain in the right words. It’s an unbelievable experience. The choir singing. Everybody rejoicing. So peaceful. When I was there, I just felt that I’d rather have a spiritual healing than a physical healing, to know God better. It helped me,” Perez said.
“The cancer I have has shrunk. I’m not thinking about a miracle. But I am thankful to God, whatever it is. And I’m ready to accept whatever he gives me.”
VIDEO GOES HERE: https://youtu.be/BfHxlNB1JHM
Juan Perez has entertained listeners throughout the Seattle area for years. Watch more of his story here. Video by Robert Hood / Fred Hutch News Service
Has faith been part of your cancer experience? Tell us on Facebook.
Bill Briggs is a former Fred Hutch News Service staff writer. Follow him at @writerdude. Previously, he was a contributing writer for NBCNews.com and TODAY.com, covering breaking news, health and the military. Prior, he was a staff writer for The Denver Post, part of the newspaper's team that earned the Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the Columbine High School massacre. He has authored two books, including "The Third Miracle: an Ordinary Man, a medical Mystery, and a Trial of Faith."
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